Some pages of a torn-diary (part -20 b)

Alok nandna Dedicated to a Nightingale

6 October…continue
In the library when I was reading ''Far from the madding crowd'', round face girl came to me and asked,' what are you reading, Wrath?'' She snatched the book from my hands and glanced at the first page and then she looked to me and pronounced, '' far from reading the madding crowd' by Thomas Hardy! Oh, it is a nice book, I love this writer very much. Am I disturbing you?''
''No, not at all. In fact I was waiting for someone who could talk to me. You have come, it is good. Please take your seat.'' I was still arose; the milky body of the Muslim girl was still moving before my eyes; although I had read more than fifteen pages of the book. I glanced at her boobs and started thinking about them. If once sex enters into your mind it is hard to get rid off it.
'You always sit in the library, and read a lot,'' she said, sitting before me.
''Do not talk about books. I am fade up with books. Can you tell me something interesting thing that I have never heard or imagined?, '' I said in a low tone, reading her face.
''About myself ?''
''Whatever but it must be interesting, you know the meaning of interesting thing,'' I emphasized the word interesting.
'' I do not know what do you mean by interesting. You know I am the only one daughter of my parents, I have no sister and no brother. And I a Leo,'' she said.
''What is interesting in it ?''
''I always feel, I would have a brother.''
''You are going into wrong direction, you are a girl, a young girl, so you should talk about something romantic story.''
''An extremist is talking about romance. Surprising! Really it is surprising!" she exclaimed.
''You are joking?''
''No, I am not joking. All the students of the Institute know that you are an extremist. I like you boldness.''
''Really! One day you became angry when I was asking for a kiss, May I know why?''
''My best friend loves you, so morally I have no right to involve with you,'' she told softly.
''And immorally?''
''Very frank to you, I like you from the first day when you were teaching the history of journalism in the class room. That day, my best friend told me ''this boy is not standing among crowd.'' Latter I realized that she was in love with you, so I stopped myself.''
''It means you have started loving me?''
''You can say it.''
''Can I ask for a kiss again?''
She smiled and said, ''You want a friendly kill?''
''I think kiss is kiss, I do not know what is friendly kiss ?'' I said
''Ok let me think…'' she said and turned the pages of Far from the Madding crowd. She stopped on a particular page and stared me.
''What do you think about the Muslim girl?,'' Suddenly her tone changed.
''Muslim girl! Why are you asking it? ''
''I think she loves too much, she is giving you Far from the madding Crowd. Look here, she has written her name.''
When I saw the particular page, I got her name had been written in a stylish way.
''You know you are a cheater, at the same time you are playing with more than three girls. You go to hell with all your revolutionary ideas,'' she said angrily.
''What about friendly kiss?''
''You go to hell,'' she said and stood up.
''I will kiss you one day, darling! Remember my words,'' I said and laughed.
When she went away, I took up the book and mumbled, ''Hardy ! One day I will write about all these women who are playing their roles on the stage of my life. And certainly, they will be known as immortals characters in the world literature. You have depicted your era, it is my era, and I will represent my era more forcefully than you…You have gone away, let me lead the literature according to my own ways.'' The calm lover emerged before my eyes, when I read some more pages of the Madding Crowd, I felt the devotion of the calm lover. What attracted the protagonist in that beautiful lady? Her sounds, her face, her eyes, her lips, her boobs, her ears, her hair what? I started to think over it, and felt the body scent of the Muslim girl. Then I tried to feel the scent of round face girl's body. No there was no similarity between them. I felt a strong desire to smell them both. What is biodiversity between two females, specially regarding the scent? At that time, I was landing in a different world, a world of scent. What is woman scent? I was thinking very deep over it.
It was a library, more than twenty students are reading there, both girls and boys. I thought to come off the library, but I saw the poetess of the class, reading a book. Her boobs were the biggest ones in the class, but she was a very serious girl, and never came out of a narrow group. For a little while I thought to talk to her, but very soon I realized it would not good to me to call her first. Let create a situation. If you want to be a gold director, lead the situations, do not allow them to lead you. I started thinking over it as a conspirator, as an extremist conspirator. As soon as I started to think as a conspirator, fortune started helping me. When you start any conspiracy, negative and positive powers starts working, with first step you have to find out the negative and the positive powers, materially as well as heavenly. A gold director does this work very keenly, history has been written by such a gold director or by many gold directors. A young would-be administrator came to me, and said,'' Let us do something common activity here today.''
.''What is in your mind?, '' I was to the point.
''A common debate can be organized here.''
''Table talk would be better, just give them an invitation.''
''Topic?, '' he came to the next point, the first point was ok from his side.
''Sex and human being..''
''It is a bold topic,'' he warned.
''I am not soft like woman, at least physically. What they love I want to know, and better from their mouths, Can you conduct the whole debate very effectively.?"
''Sure,'' he was very much confident, and with his confidence my conspiracy goes one step ahead.
Within fifteen minutes, six persons were sitting around a table, the poetess was one of them.
''You all are just welcome in this table talk, today we are going to discuss sex and human being. We all are students of journalism, so I hope we can communicate our ideas in a well manner way'' the would-be administrator started with these words. The poetess was just sitting in front of me, and from the beginning I tried my best to have eyes-contact with her, I had planned everything; the object of this plan was very much clear to me….kissing this poetess.
''What is sex and what is human being? And what is the relation between them?' The would-be administrator asked to a young wide face man, who was always very much active in debates.
''Sex is means, it is not end…through this one generation comes after another…and this chain is going on…both are co-related, the one does not exist without the other…,'' the wide face man said.
Then the would-be administrator turned the coin to another person, then to another, and then to another. .When the poetess was approached, she said, '' sex is a biological need, and it must be fulfilled, it is necessary for the development human being…But at the same time we not forget that, it should be controlled for the betterment of society… marriage system is the best way to fulfill this need and maintain the order in society….''
Now it was my turn, and I was mentally ready to go ahead with my plan. I looked straight into her eyes and said, '' As a wild man who is guided by his natural instincts I would like to love this woman…I do not want to say anything philosophical, as a common man, this woman attracts me…marriage system is man-made…it crushes the natural instincts…I would rather like to follow the natural instincts than to man-made marriage system…''
''You want to throw away the established system ?,'' she asked.
''No, I want to fulfill my natural desire, I want to love a woman like you. If it goes against the established system, I do not care…because all system is for human being, human being is not for system, '' I was still looking into her big eyes.'' And I am sure, you will enjoy my hands over your body,'' I said it, glancing over the biggest boobs of the class.
''You have no right to be personal,'' she protested.
''I do not want to mention the bookish words…''
''I am going to leave this table,'' she said.
''It is your choice.''
The-would be administrator tried to control the situation, but it was too late as she had stood up. I determined not to stop myself, I went ahead with these words, '' I know you are a poet, but I am sure your all poetry are nothing but some selected beautiful words, words without feeling…first feel and then write. ''
''I do not want to learn poetry from you, '' she said and went away.
''Oh! One of the participant has gone away, never mind let us starts, '' the would-be administrator said.
''The second participant is, too, going away. Enjoy your table talk,'' I said and left the table.
I went to the other part of the library where the poetess was sitting and maintained a large distance. First time I was playing with a girl under high alertness and pre-plan. I had explained my desire flatly before her, and now I was waiting for her turn, and I was sure she would communicate me. With the words of Thomas Hardy I was waiting, waiting and waiting. I knew any wrong move could destroy my whole plan. Till now everything was going according to my plan.
''May I sit here?,'' When I listened the words of poetess girl, I glanced at her and said, ''You may.' She sat before me, I jumped deep into her big eyes.
''I always think that you are a very serious person, you must maintain your dignity. You should respect woman. Whatever you have said today about me, is haunting me. You do not think that you are wrong?'' She said with a complaining tone, she was polite.
''What you want to listen? ''
''The truth.''
''But it may hurt you.''
''No matter, tell me the truth.''
''I always believe in subjective truth. May be it is not fit for your truth format.''
''Just tell me, I want to listen.''
''Have you ever seen yourself in mirror.''
'I always see myself in mirror''
''Have you seen your naked body, and specially your boobs?,'' I said without any hesitation, and looking into her eyes and glancing her strong boobs.
''Again you are going into wrong direction, but let me listen your words,'' she said.
''Your boobs are the sexiest ones in the class-room. I have listened all male students always talk about them,''
''I want to listen your words,'' she said emphatically.
''I have a wild desire to play with them,'' I said.
''You are a sick man, you have to consult a psychiatrist,'' she told.
''I am not asking your opinion about myself.''
''Ok, tell me more.''
''Do you believe in experiment?''
''What experiment?''
''You just allow me to touch you, it will convert you in a poetry…a romantic poetry.''
''Have you gone mad?''
''Choice is your!,'' I said politely.
''Your words sound exciting…but..''
''What but…''
''Where will you do it?''
''Here in this library.''
''And what about other students''
''Do not worry about them, we will go to the director chamber.''
''Director chamber!''
''Yes he is not here, we will lock the door…I am going into the chamber, just come after me…''
''You go first, then I will come''
When I entered into the director chamber, I got there no one. After a little while she came in. I locked the door from inside and sit on a chair.
''yes, what you want to do,'' she came close to me and asked.
I asked her to sit in my lap and she followed my instruction. When I started kissing her gently, she laughed and said,'' I do not want your gentle touching. Be wild….I want to see your wild nature…You have talked a lot during table talk.''
Having listened her words I lost my control and started playing with her body…I saw her boobs and she was very glad to show them. I removed both the nipples in multi-directions, and felt the music of her body. I started sucking them and she enjoyed it a lot. After fifteen minutes she said, ''now leave me. it enough for today…it is not the proper place for…''
In a state of frustration I left her. She managed herself and said, ''You are a wild animal, but I will make you tame…''
When I listened the word tame, my mind changed quickly. I could be anything but tame. Tame! No,not at all.
''Now tell me, what you feel after fulfilling your wild desire…I am sure you have to say some golden words of this experience. Now I want to know your subjective truth.''
''You are kidding me?,'' I asked, in a irritating tone.
''No, perhaps you do not know that I am a student of psychology and like you I do believe in experiment. When you tell about your desire to hug me, I feel this same desire for you, now let me know your experience. How did you feel? ''
''Everything was ok, your last word ''tame'' made me upset, you know?''
''Because you are a man! A wild man…no man wants to be tame, it is woman who makes a man tame. Like a wild animal a man wants sensual pleasure, but to a woman, real pleasure starts after this sensual pleasure. All systems are very much in favor of human being,'' She said to me, holding me in her arms.
''Do you know, why I allow you to do this act? Because very boldly and honestly you say it to me. A woman always likes courage in man…and you have it.
I hold her in my arms and said gently, ''A lot of thanks for your co-operation. In fact I was mad for a woman touch for last some days…''
''I can understand it…man is like a child, he needs touch, love and care…Do not worry I will make you tame, I will take care of you and tell you how to love a woman, '' she said me and touched my head with her hand. I realized from the bottom of my heart that she was taming me. I unlocked the door and came out. I pick up a book from a table. It was ''Prince'' by Machiavelli. Unconsciously I turned some pages of the book and my eyes stopped over an underling sentence…''A king should be like a lion and wolf. He should be courageous like a lion and clever like wolf. A lion cannot see a trap while a wolf is very much expert to smell trap. With these words I smelt the trap…the trap of the poetess girl. A lion and a wolf can be made tame….A was Leo, a real Leo…How could a woman make a Leo tame?

Note : I am constantly struggle hard to read out more and more pages of the diary. Wait for more.