Some pages of a torn-diary (part 18)
(by alok nandan, dedicated to a Nightingale)
28 September
Today I went to meet Lady Chatterrly with the young boy. We got the main gate was locked. Latter we were informed by a lady that she had left the city forever. The young boy was socked to listen it, and I was, too. He asked me a lot of questions but I was unable to answers them. Whole day I thought about her but could not get any conclusion regarding her departure. A question was hunting my mind, '' Why she has left this city without telling anything to the young boy while she had copulated with her willingly? ''Again and again I thought of it but got no answer. It frustrated me a lot.
''She left the city because she had disclosed her secret in a drunken state or something had compelled her to do so or…'' All the imaginative answers were moving in my mind.
Woman what you are? You are a mystery! You are a mystery!! You are a mystery !!! In fit of frustration I went to the library. It was a close day. But the director of the Journalism Institute was sitting there and reading a book. He looked to me with a question mark in his eyes. I said him nothing but just sit in front of him.
He asked, ''What happened? ''
''I am thinking of a woman. ''
''All young man thinks of women, it is not surprising. Again you are going to use my library? I won't allow today. What the other people will say if the they know that the director of a famous Institute is involved with woman in his own library. No, no you go away. ''
I was exhausted, so I said nothing but just looked to him.
''If you have come with a girl, do not worry. I am going, you can use my library,'' he said.
''I am alone, there is no girl with me,'' I told him in sinking voce.
''Oh! it is too sad, ''He said and again started reading his book.
''You talk about women a lots, Can you tell, what is woman?'' I asked.
''What is woman! Woman is woman. What a foolish question it is!
''I am sure, you have come in contact with many woman, so you have a lot have a wide experience in this regard. I want to know what is woman? ''
''I do not know what is woman. I started my life from road. All my friends after acquiring a lot of wealth indulged with many women and they have lost their money. While I always kept myself away from woman and today I am still a wealth man. I cannot help you in this regard.''
I was not satisfied with his words. I left the place thinking about lady Chatterly.
I went to a bar and bought four bottles of beer. I drank and thought and I thought and drank. I had never seen her, never, never but I was highly attached to her. Why? Perhaps she was the first married woman who could help me to understand the secret of a woman. When I was drinking in the bar, all of sudden I listened the sound of a shootout. I glanced at the counter. The owner of the bar had been shot down by a dreaded criminal of the city. A bar boy tired to run but he, too, was shot. Any he came out the bar and fell down. The shooter looked to me and went away. When I came out the bar, I saw the body of the bar-boy. He was breathing heavily. The shooter came near to him and shot him again with the close range. Two murders had been committed before my eyes. All the customers of the bar had been run away. I turned back to the counter and pick up six bottles of beer and then left the place, thinking about the Lady Catterly. She had entered very deep into my mind.
The sun had set, but my mind was burning. I just wanted to know why that lady had left the city? Why? Why?? Why ??? The two murders before my had not affected me as the departure of my lady Chatterly.
I was drinking, walking and thinking. I did not know where I was going? After a little while I was standing before the Governor House. I entered into a park besides the Governor house. I was alone. A sat there. Now I had bottles of beer, I had gulped one out of six. I was drinking bitterly.
A guard of Governor house came with two dogs. He came to me and said,'' You are drinking here. Just go away.''
In drunken state I said, ''It is my city, and it is my park. No one can force me to go away. I will drink her. ''
''If you do not leave this park within minutes, I will leave these dogs on you.''
''I do not care. And I am sure these dogs will not harm me,'' I told confidently, although the beer was playing its own effect over my mind.
''Ok, then I am going to leave these dogs,'' He warned me.
''Do not threat me. You just do it.''
As soon as he left the dogs I stood up and came in a attention position like and Indian military man and then started singing the national anthem. Earlier I had read somewhere that all the government dogs are touched how to behave on the national anthem. Both the dogs became attention as if he was they were bowing down before the national flag. The army man looked to me surprisingly. Now he became polite to me. He said to me,'' if you want to drink, you just come in my camp. It is a public place.''
''Would you like to talk to me about woman?''
''Why not? just come with me.'' I followed him with my bottles.
He told me a lot of things about woman body, but he was unable to understand my question, what woman? After two hours I left him and came to my Omen.
I love my diary too much. When I sit to write, I feel my mind is taking a written shape. Oh I have drunk too much. But after drinking one can write better. Let me have a bath.
------------------------------------
After bath
What is emotion? What is sex? Both is co-related? I have not seen Lady Chatterly but have strong inclination to her. What is it? Her young lover has made her figure before my eyes through his words. What is world? It is just a symbol that represents a definite sound? I am unable to understand it. Let me think over it deeply. I have seen all the young girls in my class room, but they are not so appealing to me, while I am highly fascinated to an un seen face. Really mind has its won dimension. Who will solve this problem. Let me discuss it with the Muslim girl. What she thinks about sex and emotion? Have I psychological problem? Oh my mind is burning! Today two people have killed before my eyes. ''Do not think much Wrath! Otherwise you will go mad ! I want I woman's arms badly, who can love me! Who can love me!! who can love me!!!
Note : I am constantly struggle hard to read out more and more pages of the diary. Wait for more.
(by alok nandan, dedicated to a Nightingale)
28 September
Today I went to meet Lady Chatterrly with the young boy. We got the main gate was locked. Latter we were informed by a lady that she had left the city forever. The young boy was socked to listen it, and I was, too. He asked me a lot of questions but I was unable to answers them. Whole day I thought about her but could not get any conclusion regarding her departure. A question was hunting my mind, '' Why she has left this city without telling anything to the young boy while she had copulated with her willingly? ''Again and again I thought of it but got no answer. It frustrated me a lot.
''She left the city because she had disclosed her secret in a drunken state or something had compelled her to do so or…'' All the imaginative answers were moving in my mind.
Woman what you are? You are a mystery! You are a mystery!! You are a mystery !!! In fit of frustration I went to the library. It was a close day. But the director of the Journalism Institute was sitting there and reading a book. He looked to me with a question mark in his eyes. I said him nothing but just sit in front of him.
He asked, ''What happened? ''
''I am thinking of a woman. ''
''All young man thinks of women, it is not surprising. Again you are going to use my library? I won't allow today. What the other people will say if the they know that the director of a famous Institute is involved with woman in his own library. No, no you go away. ''
I was exhausted, so I said nothing but just looked to him.
''If you have come with a girl, do not worry. I am going, you can use my library,'' he said.
''I am alone, there is no girl with me,'' I told him in sinking voce.
''Oh! it is too sad, ''He said and again started reading his book.
''You talk about women a lots, Can you tell, what is woman?'' I asked.
''What is woman! Woman is woman. What a foolish question it is!
''I am sure, you have come in contact with many woman, so you have a lot have a wide experience in this regard. I want to know what is woman? ''
''I do not know what is woman. I started my life from road. All my friends after acquiring a lot of wealth indulged with many women and they have lost their money. While I always kept myself away from woman and today I am still a wealth man. I cannot help you in this regard.''
I was not satisfied with his words. I left the place thinking about lady Chatterly.
I went to a bar and bought four bottles of beer. I drank and thought and I thought and drank. I had never seen her, never, never but I was highly attached to her. Why? Perhaps she was the first married woman who could help me to understand the secret of a woman. When I was drinking in the bar, all of sudden I listened the sound of a shootout. I glanced at the counter. The owner of the bar had been shot down by a dreaded criminal of the city. A bar boy tired to run but he, too, was shot. Any he came out the bar and fell down. The shooter looked to me and went away. When I came out the bar, I saw the body of the bar-boy. He was breathing heavily. The shooter came near to him and shot him again with the close range. Two murders had been committed before my eyes. All the customers of the bar had been run away. I turned back to the counter and pick up six bottles of beer and then left the place, thinking about the Lady Catterly. She had entered very deep into my mind.
The sun had set, but my mind was burning. I just wanted to know why that lady had left the city? Why? Why?? Why ??? The two murders before my had not affected me as the departure of my lady Chatterly.
I was drinking, walking and thinking. I did not know where I was going? After a little while I was standing before the Governor House. I entered into a park besides the Governor house. I was alone. A sat there. Now I had bottles of beer, I had gulped one out of six. I was drinking bitterly.
A guard of Governor house came with two dogs. He came to me and said,'' You are drinking here. Just go away.''
In drunken state I said, ''It is my city, and it is my park. No one can force me to go away. I will drink her. ''
''If you do not leave this park within minutes, I will leave these dogs on you.''
''I do not care. And I am sure these dogs will not harm me,'' I told confidently, although the beer was playing its own effect over my mind.
''Ok, then I am going to leave these dogs,'' He warned me.
''Do not threat me. You just do it.''
As soon as he left the dogs I stood up and came in a attention position like and Indian military man and then started singing the national anthem. Earlier I had read somewhere that all the government dogs are touched how to behave on the national anthem. Both the dogs became attention as if he was they were bowing down before the national flag. The army man looked to me surprisingly. Now he became polite to me. He said to me,'' if you want to drink, you just come in my camp. It is a public place.''
''Would you like to talk to me about woman?''
''Why not? just come with me.'' I followed him with my bottles.
He told me a lot of things about woman body, but he was unable to understand my question, what woman? After two hours I left him and came to my Omen.
I love my diary too much. When I sit to write, I feel my mind is taking a written shape. Oh I have drunk too much. But after drinking one can write better. Let me have a bath.
------------------------------------
After bath
What is emotion? What is sex? Both is co-related? I have not seen Lady Chatterly but have strong inclination to her. What is it? Her young lover has made her figure before my eyes through his words. What is world? It is just a symbol that represents a definite sound? I am unable to understand it. Let me think over it deeply. I have seen all the young girls in my class room, but they are not so appealing to me, while I am highly fascinated to an un seen face. Really mind has its won dimension. Who will solve this problem. Let me discuss it with the Muslim girl. What she thinks about sex and emotion? Have I psychological problem? Oh my mind is burning! Today two people have killed before my eyes. ''Do not think much Wrath! Otherwise you will go mad ! I want I woman's arms badly, who can love me! Who can love me!! who can love me!!!
Note : I am constantly struggle hard to read out more and more pages of the diary. Wait for more.
12 comments:
Alok,
I hope you have found some answers regarding woman. Perhaps I can help you with the mysteries of women. If you reduce women to their biological function first...it might help. Women produce one egg per month, if that egg become fertilized her body and her life undergo tremendous life altering changes. So it is in a woman's interest to select her lovers carefully. Not only for their sexual qualities, for their ability to protect, their ability to nurture, and loyalty. Abandonment is a serious biological dilemna. A man on the other hand produces millions of sperm per day. It is in his biology to release them quite often, and in the most fertile females. Which is often determined by her body, hair, skin etc. Your commitment to her ends shortly after copulation. Your sexual partners could be many with little impact to your life.
So her mystery might begin there...she is searching for love and companionship on a very basic level. If women were only able to judge men by their bodies they might find themselves in a world of trouble. They need to be selective. There are plenty of males able and willing to share their seed.
Another problem for women is that men tend to behave as sexual preditors and a woman must always be aware of men, and carefully screen her lovers or she may wind up dead, raped, beaten...etc.
okay...my time is up. I'll continue later.
:) lara
Alok,
I hope you have found some answers regarding woman. Perhaps I can help you with the mysteries of women. If you reduce women to their biological function first...it might help. Women produce one egg per month, if that egg become fertilized her body and her life undergo tremendous life altering changes. So it is in a woman's interest to select her lovers carefully. Not only for their sexual qualities, for their ability to protect, their ability to nurture, and loyalty. Abandonment is a serious biological dilemna. A man on the other hand produces millions of sperm per day. It is in his biology to release them quite often, and in the most fertile females. Which is often determined by her body, hair, skin etc. Your commitment to her ends shortly after copulation. Your sexual partners could be many with little impact to your life.
So her mystery might begin there...she is searching for love and companionship on a very basic level. If women were only able to judge men by their bodies they might find themselves in a world of trouble. They need to be selective. There are plenty of males able and willing to share their seed.
Another problem for women is that men tend to behave as sexual preditors and a woman must always be aware of men, and carefully screen her lovers or she may wind up dead, raped, beaten...etc.
okay...my time is up. I'll continue later.
:) lara
Lara! you have enrich me regarding woman, and a lot of thanks for it. But here I am trying my level best to find out the psychology of the the protegonist male character. He is attracted very much towards a woman whom he had not seen, and he knew very well that she was engaged with his friend. I think biological truth is omnipresent, but psychology cannot be dealt objectively. Here I am dealing the psychology of young man regarding an unseen woman.
Well,I know you are not funny. You are a very serious person, always sitting alone in canteen, all your students afraid of you, in public places you are a taciturn, and above all you watch a commedy play with high alertness of seriousness. But yes, You laugh too much when you a see a horrible film.
waiting your wards serious Lara!
alok nandan
oh Alok!
You are wrong! I am not serious. My art is an expression of my serious dark side, but in life I'm quite light hearted. I'm kind of silly and bounce around a bit like a butterfly. My students are not afraid of me at all. They hug me every day and I'm not much of an imposing figure. I'm only 5'3" and my high school students are all taller than me.
I do watch things with a high degree of seriousness but only my closest friends know how much time I spend observing, thinking and being serious.
I disguise it well. :) Some of my art is about two Lara's. That is because my serious side only finds expression when I feel safe or when I sit down to draw. I'm more of a Voltaire then a Plato.
Now to the psychology of women, I didn't get to finish my thought.
The second level of mystery might be explained by the hormonal shift women go through monthly. They have done studies that prove a woman's sexual appetite changes from week to week and one kind of male may look good when one hormone is high, and another type better the next.
I don't think you can begin to understand the pychology of a woman unless you start with the basics.
The next of course is the social aspect. I know in American culture when are faced at birth with a world of unrealistic expectations and some social limitations. I suspect India has it's own limitations that young girls encounter.
Add the biology, the hormones, the social pressure together and you might get a little closer to understanding women. Of course we are all much richer then our basic components and add love to the mix and it all gets confusing. But the young man trying to understand the womman who left might start there.
I'm off again. Talk to you later,
Lara
Incredible Lara! I am very mcuh gratful for the basic knowledge regarding woman. Yes your are right, scientifically you are right. I am feeling that I was in search of this knoledge in my early days. NO one has given me such answeres till now. Your mind is very much clear regarding everything.
I know that you are full of life, and enjoy life according to your own ways. I was just joking when I said that your students afraid of you, and you watch horror movies with laughing etc. I have seen your picture many times, and obsereved your life full eyes very keenly. You have used the brush in your mouth in a lifeful manner, what it says? It says that you are a woman who loves life and lifefource too much.
Now tell me something
your favourate flower?
-your favourate colour?
-your favourate book?
-your henius act that you hate most?
I am not posting next part of torn diary, as I have not written it. I will try to write down tommorrow.
In fact I have spent most pages of this years so why I am giong very slowly...
Now I am very much tired so good night, hoping your words
alok nandan
Alok,
I really hope we don't have an audience reading all of this. :)
I'm enjoying our conversations.
My favorite flower(s) I love orchids, daffodils, peonies, magnolias and wysteria. All my favorite. I'm sure there are more...but I love those first.
my favorite color (s) I wear lots of black, because it looks good on me, but I love all colors. It depends on my mood and the day. Today I love blue. Tomorrow I might love pink. I rarely love orange, yellow or red.
my favorite book...oh that is even more challenging.... I will pour over a book about an artist, their life and their art. I have lots of books like that. I enjoy philosophy. Sometimes I enjoy fiction, or book about business and marketing.
oh i'm out of time again.
talk later,
lara
Alok,
I really hope we don't have an audience reading all of this. :)
I'm enjoying our conversations.
My favorite flower(s) I love orchids, daffodils, peonies, magnolias and wysteria. All my favorite. I'm sure there are more...but I love those first.
my favorite color (s) I wear lots of black, because it looks good on me, but I love all colors. It depends on my mood and the day. Today I love blue. Tomorrow I might love pink. I rarely love orange, yellow or red.
my favorite book...oh that is even more challenging.... I will pour over a book about an artist, their life and their art. I have lots of books like that. I enjoy philosophy. Sometimes I enjoy fiction, or book about business and marketing.
oh i'm out of time again.
talk later,
lara
Witty Lara !
You always escape. You have not given the answer ot the fourth question. Any way I do not mind it..I love your escaping. I can say everything is properly set-up in you mind and you know how to use the skill. Now tell me your faviroute foods...and places...Tell me about only one place where you would move anytime...I love philosophy very much...I am not sure that is blog is being read by any one or not...But do not care about it...Let them enjoy our talks...
I think you are a fantastic woman...You know I love your mind too much...You are a very practical as well as philosophical...and I love this quality....Well I have written the next part of torn diary...I will post it in late night....I want to eat a ice-creame....I have no time for it...so please go and eat two ice-creams....one for me....Do not worry about money ....Now I am earning money ...I will pay for them....
alok nandan
Alok,
I'm not good at favorites. That is asking me to pin down my thoughts on one object or thing. I like too many books to choose one. If I were to choose a philosophy that transformed my thoughts....I liked Dante's Inferno, because of the darkness and imagery. You'll see it in my art. I liked reading The Odyssey and the imagery from that. I love reading greek mythology. Lovely and dark stuff!!! I liked the reading Voltaire's Candide because of the clever sarcasm and wit. I liked the way he poked fun at religion and the aristocracy and concluded by planting in a garden for salvation. Thoreau’s writings transformed my thoughts as a young woman. I read his writings and became quite convinced that life is for living now. I gave up pinning my hopes to an after-life and I’ve lived like that since. I liked the gentleness of Confucius, and the passion of Dostoevsky. I like the mercy of Jesus and his compassion for the individual. I’m quite into psychology at the moment, and when I have time to read (rarely) I’m reading Carl Jung. I find the unconscious mind to be the place where I like to dwell most. Dreams are important to me, and I live in them too often.
Fiction…hmm...harder to choose...I love a good book of fiction. One in which the world is the way I imagine it. I loved the Lord of the Rings series. I even enjoyed Harry Potter (guilty pleasure). The illustrations of Beatrix Potter are some of my favorite children’s illustrations. The tender details are elegant and sophisticated.
You see, you’ll never pin me down. I don’t have favorites. I just have preferences. Catch me on a different day the list will be entirely different.
And you? Your favorite book? I bet you have a strong opinion and a carefully analyzed list.
Lara
I can't be eating two ice creams Alok! But I'm glad you have the money to pay for them. I suspect our lives are so different. It's fun to communicate with someone with whom I may never have met, on a part of the planet I may never see. Thanks for your interest and friendship.
Lara
Oh...one more...I must add to the book list, Joseph Campbell's "The Power of Myth". If you haven't read it Alok it is a fantastic book. It probably speaks more to Western culture, but you would still enjoy it.
Lara! I am little sad that you did not accpet my two ice-cream. Never mind...You have read a lot. Now my fourth question is waiting for your answer, but you need not answer it now....I think this letter section is more interesting than my torn diary.. your wise words more important than my torn diary...regarding color your chice is very similar to me...I would love black...but now I do not use this color due to some astronimical reasons...I am very much tired...
waiting for your words
alok nandan
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