Some pages of a torn-diary (part 16)
(by alok nandan, dedicated to a Nightingale)
20 September
Under the statue of Jay Prakash Narayan, the public meeting was held against the partisan of the state. Jay Prakash is known as JP and his movement is known as JP Movement. The slogan of this movement was ''complete revolution.'' I have read about this movement very keenly. People never like stagnation. Then Congress party was the sole ruler of this country since 15 August 1947.There was a natural dissatisfaction among the people. All the major opposition leaders targeted Iron lady of India. First time an anti-congress movement emerged in this country under the leadership of JP in 1974. On 25 April 1976 the election of Lady Iron was declared null and void and national emergency was imposed. Later the Iron lady was thrown away and anti-congress government first time came into power. JP did a blunder here like Gandhi had done after independence. He did not take any post because he wanted to serve the nation and its people without taking any post. It was a ridiculous mistake because where there is politics there is power, there is no politics without power. With the throwing away the Iron lady of Indian from the power, the JP Movement or the total revolution came to its zenith. Now this complete revolution had no further programs, theoretically it had targeted its goal. Before the eyes of JP, power clash started among the leaders and the whole movement converted into a funny game-power games that are common in democratic formats.
-----------------------------
I was sitting under the statue of JP with many people. The round face girl and the yellow eye girl were sitting besides me. All the students of Journalism had been invited and most of them were present. One after another speakers were addressing but I was busy with the two girls. They were so near to me that I could feel the warmth of their bodies. The yellow eyed girl was making a frog from a paper and I was watching her keenly. She made a jumping frog and gave to me. I asked her, ''what is it? '' She told, ''You tell me what is it.'' I looked to the statue of JP and told, ''It is like JP. It can jump only but can never touch the un-limit sky.''
------------------------------
Media men were coming and going. After 2 o' clock most people went away. The white hair journalist was asked to bring more people. The young boy who first day supported me in the class room went to Gandhi Ground. It was a big ground where people coming from the nearby city villages would sit and rest. A rally of middle school teachers was organized there. Now all the teachers were taking rest. The young red hair boy asked them to me in the public meeting. Within fifteen minutes he came back with more than 200 people. The white hair journalist became happy, but I was not given a chance to address the people. In fact today I was not interested in it.
21 September
Today I have submitted a letter to the white hair journalist. In this letter I have explained that his movement is not a scientific movement. According to the Constitution of Indian, both houses of Parliament have right to create a new state for the benefit of the people. India is country that has unity in diversity. I requested him to think over this movement again. When I was submitting the letter I had two books in my hand. The white hair Journalist said, '' You are born with books?'' He tried to convince me regarding this movement but his words had no capacity to change my mind. I have left this movement. Now I do not want to meet any one. I just want to stay in my Omen and think more and more about all the things. One thing is very clear to me, I have done a lot of public experiments, and I have ability to change public mind. Now my mind is calm. What a hectic life I have lead!
22 September
After a long while, I drunk too much today. In fact I was very much tired. Leading needs more energy. The director of the English Institute was sitting with me. He loved the blond girl so much. His strong father had warned him many times not to marry with her as she did not belong to his caste. He did not want to go against the will of his father. He had started some new batches. He told me that the painter girl had also come to his institute but she did not take admission. Earlier I had told him about the painter girl. He told me a lot of things about his earlier life. I discussed with him about my political adventure. He told me that he had no interest in politics. Too much drinking is always bad. When he left me, I went to the painter girl's house. I was in a drunken state so I stood before her house so that I could see her once. But it was too late. The door was locked and all the members of her family had slept. Then I went to the black girl's house so that I could see her younger. Here I again saw the closed door. I stood before the door and mumbled, ''All the doors of love are closed.'' I turned back and came to my Omen. I saw the black and white portrait of Hitler. I mumbled before his portrait, ''I know you have killed millions of people; I know your path was wrong; Hitler, you are wrong! But why I follow you? Perhaps I am fade up with the leaders of my country who involved in criminal activities.''
Oh ! I am in drunken state. All the faces are moving before my eyes, the yellow eyed girl, the round face girl, the Muslim girl, the black girl, and her younger, the painter, the young director, the professor in-charge, …all one after another. Where is my flute? NO, no, I should sleep.
23 September
I realized the painter girl was sitting on my bed. For a little while I thought I was dreaming.
''You were dreaming about me? '' When she asked to me, I felt it was not a dream.
''What is time?,'' I asked.
''It is 5 a. m. ,'' she answered.
''What are you doing here?'' I asked.
''What you were doing yesterday night before my house?''
''Me?''
''No, your ghost!''
''Oh you saw me''
''Yes! I saw you, you were in a drunken state. Why do you drink too much? ''
''Just for fun.'' I said, taking her hands.
''Now one thing is very clear, you love me too much. ''
''How can you say it?''
''After drinking, you had only one figure in your mind, and that was me. So you love me too much. Now I have seen you, and I am going. ''
''How can you go?''
''Dear, it is early in the morning and my father and mother would be waiting for me. So I have to go.'' she said and stood up. I looked to her without any words.
''Ok. Let me do a miracle.'' she said and bent down and kissed me passionately.
''Good morning, take care. Too much drinking is not good,'' She said and went out.
-------------------------------
The red hair young boy came to meet me today. He sat with me in Omen. He told that he had been Mumbai and had worked there as an assistant director with a famous director. He had also edited a monthly magazine, and for an article he was attacked by the goons of one of the JP Movement leaders. He told me a lot of thing about Mumbai and his life. He wrote poetry. He assured me he would help me if I did anything in future. He, too, realized that the white hair journalist's movement was not scientific. He was in favor of a an ultra Hindu Movement, but I said him such type of movement was not possible. then he asked me why I was impressed with Hitler, I could give him clear cut answer at that time. But I assured him that I was against bloodbath.
-------------
More knowledge; More confusion, No knowledge; No confusion.
-------------
If I were an ox, I would be the happiest creature under the sky! My mind is killing me slowly and gradually.
(by alok nandan, dedicated to a Nightingale)
20 September
Under the statue of Jay Prakash Narayan, the public meeting was held against the partisan of the state. Jay Prakash is known as JP and his movement is known as JP Movement. The slogan of this movement was ''complete revolution.'' I have read about this movement very keenly. People never like stagnation. Then Congress party was the sole ruler of this country since 15 August 1947.There was a natural dissatisfaction among the people. All the major opposition leaders targeted Iron lady of India. First time an anti-congress movement emerged in this country under the leadership of JP in 1974. On 25 April 1976 the election of Lady Iron was declared null and void and national emergency was imposed. Later the Iron lady was thrown away and anti-congress government first time came into power. JP did a blunder here like Gandhi had done after independence. He did not take any post because he wanted to serve the nation and its people without taking any post. It was a ridiculous mistake because where there is politics there is power, there is no politics without power. With the throwing away the Iron lady of Indian from the power, the JP Movement or the total revolution came to its zenith. Now this complete revolution had no further programs, theoretically it had targeted its goal. Before the eyes of JP, power clash started among the leaders and the whole movement converted into a funny game-power games that are common in democratic formats.
-----------------------------
I was sitting under the statue of JP with many people. The round face girl and the yellow eye girl were sitting besides me. All the students of Journalism had been invited and most of them were present. One after another speakers were addressing but I was busy with the two girls. They were so near to me that I could feel the warmth of their bodies. The yellow eyed girl was making a frog from a paper and I was watching her keenly. She made a jumping frog and gave to me. I asked her, ''what is it? '' She told, ''You tell me what is it.'' I looked to the statue of JP and told, ''It is like JP. It can jump only but can never touch the un-limit sky.''
------------------------------
Media men were coming and going. After 2 o' clock most people went away. The white hair journalist was asked to bring more people. The young boy who first day supported me in the class room went to Gandhi Ground. It was a big ground where people coming from the nearby city villages would sit and rest. A rally of middle school teachers was organized there. Now all the teachers were taking rest. The young red hair boy asked them to me in the public meeting. Within fifteen minutes he came back with more than 200 people. The white hair journalist became happy, but I was not given a chance to address the people. In fact today I was not interested in it.
21 September
Today I have submitted a letter to the white hair journalist. In this letter I have explained that his movement is not a scientific movement. According to the Constitution of Indian, both houses of Parliament have right to create a new state for the benefit of the people. India is country that has unity in diversity. I requested him to think over this movement again. When I was submitting the letter I had two books in my hand. The white hair Journalist said, '' You are born with books?'' He tried to convince me regarding this movement but his words had no capacity to change my mind. I have left this movement. Now I do not want to meet any one. I just want to stay in my Omen and think more and more about all the things. One thing is very clear to me, I have done a lot of public experiments, and I have ability to change public mind. Now my mind is calm. What a hectic life I have lead!
22 September
After a long while, I drunk too much today. In fact I was very much tired. Leading needs more energy. The director of the English Institute was sitting with me. He loved the blond girl so much. His strong father had warned him many times not to marry with her as she did not belong to his caste. He did not want to go against the will of his father. He had started some new batches. He told me that the painter girl had also come to his institute but she did not take admission. Earlier I had told him about the painter girl. He told me a lot of things about his earlier life. I discussed with him about my political adventure. He told me that he had no interest in politics. Too much drinking is always bad. When he left me, I went to the painter girl's house. I was in a drunken state so I stood before her house so that I could see her once. But it was too late. The door was locked and all the members of her family had slept. Then I went to the black girl's house so that I could see her younger. Here I again saw the closed door. I stood before the door and mumbled, ''All the doors of love are closed.'' I turned back and came to my Omen. I saw the black and white portrait of Hitler. I mumbled before his portrait, ''I know you have killed millions of people; I know your path was wrong; Hitler, you are wrong! But why I follow you? Perhaps I am fade up with the leaders of my country who involved in criminal activities.''
Oh ! I am in drunken state. All the faces are moving before my eyes, the yellow eyed girl, the round face girl, the Muslim girl, the black girl, and her younger, the painter, the young director, the professor in-charge, …all one after another. Where is my flute? NO, no, I should sleep.
23 September
I realized the painter girl was sitting on my bed. For a little while I thought I was dreaming.
''You were dreaming about me? '' When she asked to me, I felt it was not a dream.
''What is time?,'' I asked.
''It is 5 a. m. ,'' she answered.
''What are you doing here?'' I asked.
''What you were doing yesterday night before my house?''
''Me?''
''No, your ghost!''
''Oh you saw me''
''Yes! I saw you, you were in a drunken state. Why do you drink too much? ''
''Just for fun.'' I said, taking her hands.
''Now one thing is very clear, you love me too much. ''
''How can you say it?''
''After drinking, you had only one figure in your mind, and that was me. So you love me too much. Now I have seen you, and I am going. ''
''How can you go?''
''Dear, it is early in the morning and my father and mother would be waiting for me. So I have to go.'' she said and stood up. I looked to her without any words.
''Ok. Let me do a miracle.'' she said and bent down and kissed me passionately.
''Good morning, take care. Too much drinking is not good,'' She said and went out.
-------------------------------
The red hair young boy came to meet me today. He sat with me in Omen. He told that he had been Mumbai and had worked there as an assistant director with a famous director. He had also edited a monthly magazine, and for an article he was attacked by the goons of one of the JP Movement leaders. He told me a lot of thing about Mumbai and his life. He wrote poetry. He assured me he would help me if I did anything in future. He, too, realized that the white hair journalist's movement was not scientific. He was in favor of a an ultra Hindu Movement, but I said him such type of movement was not possible. then he asked me why I was impressed with Hitler, I could give him clear cut answer at that time. But I assured him that I was against bloodbath.
-------------
More knowledge; More confusion, No knowledge; No confusion.
-------------
If I were an ox, I would be the happiest creature under the sky! My mind is killing me slowly and gradually.
24 September
Today, secretly I met a leftist leader. He had an award of Rs5 Lac over his head, either or alive or dead. Through his organization he had killed more than 200 people. He asked me to join his revolutionary group for the sake of revolution. He was unmarred man. When I asked him, ''Why do don’t you marry with any one?'' He said, ''I have married with revolution?'' Then I asked him to explain the revolution. He gave me a long lecture about revolution. He wanted to capture all the lands and made a commune. Over the land issue I was not agree with him. I decided to read about the land management. And very soon I encountered again with Jean Jaques Russseau, Recardo and Adam Smith. What is land? Who first captured the land and why? The relation between man and land is immortal, even no country exists without land. Attack and defense are related with land. All the systems made by mankind are based on land. I am trying my level best to understand everything theoretically as well as practically.
I recall my forefathers. When I was only four years old, they killed one of their relatives. I saw the blood, the dead body, the clothes. I was confused to see. At that time I did not understand what had happened around me. I can recall it. It was a land dispute. Land and blood is related. No one can acquire any land with without violence and blood. What Marx waned ---Land for proletariats, What Hitler wanted, --Land for Aryans. What I want--- Land for whom?. Till now I was a romantic revolutionary. Yes I was romantic revolutionary. The basic question is not nation, but the land. All the names and flags of the countries must be burned publicly and all the arms must be thrown away, if blood has to be saved.
But practically it is possible? No, never not at all. If not the whole world go to hell, I will sit in my Omen create my own world. All the revolutions that witnessed blood go down.
Note : I am constantly struggle hard to read out more and more pages of the diary. Wait for more.
Today, secretly I met a leftist leader. He had an award of Rs5 Lac over his head, either or alive or dead. Through his organization he had killed more than 200 people. He asked me to join his revolutionary group for the sake of revolution. He was unmarred man. When I asked him, ''Why do don’t you marry with any one?'' He said, ''I have married with revolution?'' Then I asked him to explain the revolution. He gave me a long lecture about revolution. He wanted to capture all the lands and made a commune. Over the land issue I was not agree with him. I decided to read about the land management. And very soon I encountered again with Jean Jaques Russseau, Recardo and Adam Smith. What is land? Who first captured the land and why? The relation between man and land is immortal, even no country exists without land. Attack and defense are related with land. All the systems made by mankind are based on land. I am trying my level best to understand everything theoretically as well as practically.
I recall my forefathers. When I was only four years old, they killed one of their relatives. I saw the blood, the dead body, the clothes. I was confused to see. At that time I did not understand what had happened around me. I can recall it. It was a land dispute. Land and blood is related. No one can acquire any land with without violence and blood. What Marx waned ---Land for proletariats, What Hitler wanted, --Land for Aryans. What I want--- Land for whom?. Till now I was a romantic revolutionary. Yes I was romantic revolutionary. The basic question is not nation, but the land. All the names and flags of the countries must be burned publicly and all the arms must be thrown away, if blood has to be saved.
But practically it is possible? No, never not at all. If not the whole world go to hell, I will sit in my Omen create my own world. All the revolutions that witnessed blood go down.
Note : I am constantly struggle hard to read out more and more pages of the diary. Wait for more.
3 comments:
Beautifully done Alok,
I liked the introduction and then the shift to the interpersonal relationships. The tenderness with your lady friend was nice. All doors of love are shut to me...I like that.
You are an interesting man. Sometimes you say the most artistic things--like gems hidden in the sand.
Someday I'll share my life with you, but for now, you seem to discover it quite easily in my art.
I'm longing to do more art...my time teaching is almost done and wihtin a few more weeks I'll have quiet time again.
Keep going...
Lara
Alok,
I looked for your latest installment, I hope you are alright? I imagine living on a street with prostitutes isn't the safest place to be.
Lara
Oh Caring Lara!
You do not worry about me. I know very well how to deal the street dogs. In fact was busy with some work. now you can enjoy next part....I love your caring nature.
Alok nandan
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