(by alok nandan, dedicated to a Nightingale)
25 September
The lady Chatterly' lover was looking for me madly. He came to my Omen with ten bottles of beer. We sat together to drink. He told me , ''Do you know I spent my yesterday night with that lady. I loved her whole night. She was very much expressive yesterday. She guided me how to love a woman. She is a well-read woman. What she was telling about woman and womanhood after drinking I did not understand. I only followed her instruction and first time I felt I got a real woman. I have told her about you and she was very much eager to meet you.'' After finishing three bottles of beer, I told him, ''You have got her, now my work is finished. I think I do not have any role in this story. You just enjoy your time with her, and do not mention it to any one as a woman never like her secrets to be disclosed. Even, do not mention my name before her.
''You know. She had a nice bath with me in her luxurious bathroom. I saw her milky body and kissed her from top to bottom. After drinking too much she started abusing to her husband, she was speaking in English so I could not understand all her words.''
''What she said about her son?'' I asked.
''She was sorry for him. She told me one day her husband would tell him everything and she was preparing herself for that day.''
When he went away, again I realized the pain of Lady Chetterly. I am sure she wants love, affection and confidence of a strong man. I should meet her. She is attracting me like a fairy tell. I am feeling a strong desire to hold her tightly in my arms and read all the chapters of her life through her eyes. I want this woman ! I want this woman !! I want this woman !!!
----------------
In a drunken state I took off all my clothes and sit calmly on my bed. I closed my mind and concentrated over the Lady Cheterly. I tried my level best to sketch her figure before my closed eyes, then I started sending message to her through my mind, repeating aging and again in my mind,''Lady Chatterly. come in contact with me ! Lady Chatterly, Come in contact with. Are you listening me? Are you listening me?'' I repeated this process more than half an hours, but got no result. Somewhere I had read that mind had capacity to communicate any one, no matter you have seen that person or not.
26 September
Today the black girl's younger came to meet me in my Omen. I was not ready for her. She gave me some delicious sandwiches to eat and told that she made them herself for me. She told me, ''You know that I
always want to touch you. I have tried my level best not to come to you, I know you do not like my presence here. But what can I do? ''
I told her politely, ''I have never said it. You are important to me, so I do not want to hurt you. I am a man, and you know by nature man is an animal.''
''Why do not you understand that I want to see your brutality? I have seen many time my mother likes the brutality of my father, and she always enjoys it.''
''Brutality! What type of brutality?''
''He loves her like an animal. I have seen it and always try to see it in late night, although they do not know anything about it. Boys of my age are not able to understand it, I know. I am not a child,I am a woman, a complete woman. ''
''How can you say that you are a complete woman? ''I asked.
''I am feeling the monthly pain and I have ability to love a young man, not a boy. All boys are stupid. They do not understand a woman, her feeling and her dreams.''
''But your body is tender.How can you tolerate the hardship of a man?''
''I have ability to produce a child. So do not worry about it. You just allow me to feel your hardship.''
''Little girl, I cannot do it. Wait when the time will come I will tell you.''
'' Ok, I will wait. I want my first man experience with you.''
''You know, till now I have not gone through any woman. Let me have this experience with an elder girl or woman first.''
''You are very careful about me, so why I love you too much. Let me kiss you, ''She told and kissed me pleasantly. I felt her warm breath over my face and thought, ''the tender age is the most interesting phase of life, it searches love with little hesitation. But when it gets right person, it explores itself unconditionally.''
27 September
I am not going anywhere. I am enjoying my Omen very much. I am decorating it. I have asked a girl child to make my sketch, and she is about to complete it. She is sitting in my Omen and sketching me. She is just eight or nine years old. Let her do it.
I have used the dung for making the flour beautiful. First I got some dung, then mixed some water and then explored it on the flour. With my hand I rubbed it on the flour. I am tired. Let me drink a bottle of beer. Ok, now I am drinking, while the little artist is still busy with her sketch book. Now I am going to wash all my bed sheet and clothes. It is a hard work and it will take time, so let me drink another bottle. I have gulped the another bottle and washing all the clothes including the bed sheet. I have finished the work. The little painter has completed my sketch. It has long curly hair, long and black curly beard, Jeans and a shirt. Beside the sketch she has written in a bold letters, ''a revolutionary journalist.'' Having seen the words I asked the little painter, ''why have you written here a revolutionary journalist?''
''My father has told me that you are a revolutionary journalist, so why I have written her these words,'' she replied innocently.
''You father says it!''
''Yes, he always talks about you.''
''It means I am very much popular in this colony. Good! You have done a great job, but you have made my beard too long.''
''No, you must see your beard. Do you have mirror? It is too long.''
''I do not have mirror.''
''Do not worry. I just bring a mirror for you,'' she told me and went away. After a little while she came with a handy mirror and said to me, ''Now, you look your self in this mirror.''
After I long time I saw my face in the mirror. I could see only my eyes as all my face was covered with my long hair and long beard. I have not saved since I read about Samson's story. The secret of his strength was his long beard and hair.
There was cut sign besides my right eye. I watched this sign very closely. My father had told me about this sign earlier that in the forest of Nagaland I was trying to snatch a piece of meat from a wild dog and it attacked on me. I had been wounded brutally by that wild dog. I tried to recall that incident and saw the sharp teeth and long nail of that wild dog. I touched the cross cut and smiled. According to my father,'' I was almost killed by that wild dog.'' All scratches of body have its own stories. If you want to know a person, you must watch his body keenly and find out the scratches, each scratch will tell you a unique story. Through the intensity of scratch, you can measure the intensity of one's life. Wounds over the body are the footstep of the journey of life.
I hung the sketch over the straw-made wall and looked it again and again. I felt that I was just looking like a Roman God. When the little artist went away, I took off all my clothes and saw my naked body very keenly. I could find any scratch other parts of my body. I felt a strong desire to love my body. I touched it very gently. it is the body that carries the soul. Very gently I touched my private parts and felt hardness of a man. Yes I am a complete man and I need a woman. I dwelled into the world of fantasy with the Muslim girl, the painter, the round face girl, the yellowed eyed girl and the black girl. But the black younger attracted me a lot. She occupied my mind with different positions. I allowed my mind to think about her, about her melting her tender body. Oh! no, it is was not good. I opened the another bottle of beer, and started gulping it. My father would tell me, ''Never allow women to enter into your mind, if once they enter into your mind, they will eat your health and you would loose your power, power of a man. Always remember it.''
Note : I am constantly struggle hard to read out more and more pages of the diary. Wait for more.
25 September
The lady Chatterly' lover was looking for me madly. He came to my Omen with ten bottles of beer. We sat together to drink. He told me , ''Do you know I spent my yesterday night with that lady. I loved her whole night. She was very much expressive yesterday. She guided me how to love a woman. She is a well-read woman. What she was telling about woman and womanhood after drinking I did not understand. I only followed her instruction and first time I felt I got a real woman. I have told her about you and she was very much eager to meet you.'' After finishing three bottles of beer, I told him, ''You have got her, now my work is finished. I think I do not have any role in this story. You just enjoy your time with her, and do not mention it to any one as a woman never like her secrets to be disclosed. Even, do not mention my name before her.
''You know. She had a nice bath with me in her luxurious bathroom. I saw her milky body and kissed her from top to bottom. After drinking too much she started abusing to her husband, she was speaking in English so I could not understand all her words.''
''What she said about her son?'' I asked.
''She was sorry for him. She told me one day her husband would tell him everything and she was preparing herself for that day.''
When he went away, again I realized the pain of Lady Chetterly. I am sure she wants love, affection and confidence of a strong man. I should meet her. She is attracting me like a fairy tell. I am feeling a strong desire to hold her tightly in my arms and read all the chapters of her life through her eyes. I want this woman ! I want this woman !! I want this woman !!!
----------------
In a drunken state I took off all my clothes and sit calmly on my bed. I closed my mind and concentrated over the Lady Cheterly. I tried my level best to sketch her figure before my closed eyes, then I started sending message to her through my mind, repeating aging and again in my mind,''Lady Chatterly. come in contact with me ! Lady Chatterly, Come in contact with. Are you listening me? Are you listening me?'' I repeated this process more than half an hours, but got no result. Somewhere I had read that mind had capacity to communicate any one, no matter you have seen that person or not.
26 September
Today the black girl's younger came to meet me in my Omen. I was not ready for her. She gave me some delicious sandwiches to eat and told that she made them herself for me. She told me, ''You know that I
always want to touch you. I have tried my level best not to come to you, I know you do not like my presence here. But what can I do? ''
I told her politely, ''I have never said it. You are important to me, so I do not want to hurt you. I am a man, and you know by nature man is an animal.''
''Why do not you understand that I want to see your brutality? I have seen many time my mother likes the brutality of my father, and she always enjoys it.''
''Brutality! What type of brutality?''
''He loves her like an animal. I have seen it and always try to see it in late night, although they do not know anything about it. Boys of my age are not able to understand it, I know. I am not a child,I am a woman, a complete woman. ''
''How can you say that you are a complete woman? ''I asked.
''I am feeling the monthly pain and I have ability to love a young man, not a boy. All boys are stupid. They do not understand a woman, her feeling and her dreams.''
''But your body is tender.How can you tolerate the hardship of a man?''
''I have ability to produce a child. So do not worry about it. You just allow me to feel your hardship.''
''Little girl, I cannot do it. Wait when the time will come I will tell you.''
'' Ok, I will wait. I want my first man experience with you.''
''You know, till now I have not gone through any woman. Let me have this experience with an elder girl or woman first.''
''You are very careful about me, so why I love you too much. Let me kiss you, ''She told and kissed me pleasantly. I felt her warm breath over my face and thought, ''the tender age is the most interesting phase of life, it searches love with little hesitation. But when it gets right person, it explores itself unconditionally.''
27 September
I am not going anywhere. I am enjoying my Omen very much. I am decorating it. I have asked a girl child to make my sketch, and she is about to complete it. She is sitting in my Omen and sketching me. She is just eight or nine years old. Let her do it.
I have used the dung for making the flour beautiful. First I got some dung, then mixed some water and then explored it on the flour. With my hand I rubbed it on the flour. I am tired. Let me drink a bottle of beer. Ok, now I am drinking, while the little artist is still busy with her sketch book. Now I am going to wash all my bed sheet and clothes. It is a hard work and it will take time, so let me drink another bottle. I have gulped the another bottle and washing all the clothes including the bed sheet. I have finished the work. The little painter has completed my sketch. It has long curly hair, long and black curly beard, Jeans and a shirt. Beside the sketch she has written in a bold letters, ''a revolutionary journalist.'' Having seen the words I asked the little painter, ''why have you written here a revolutionary journalist?''
''My father has told me that you are a revolutionary journalist, so why I have written her these words,'' she replied innocently.
''You father says it!''
''Yes, he always talks about you.''
''It means I am very much popular in this colony. Good! You have done a great job, but you have made my beard too long.''
''No, you must see your beard. Do you have mirror? It is too long.''
''I do not have mirror.''
''Do not worry. I just bring a mirror for you,'' she told me and went away. After a little while she came with a handy mirror and said to me, ''Now, you look your self in this mirror.''
After I long time I saw my face in the mirror. I could see only my eyes as all my face was covered with my long hair and long beard. I have not saved since I read about Samson's story. The secret of his strength was his long beard and hair.
There was cut sign besides my right eye. I watched this sign very closely. My father had told me about this sign earlier that in the forest of Nagaland I was trying to snatch a piece of meat from a wild dog and it attacked on me. I had been wounded brutally by that wild dog. I tried to recall that incident and saw the sharp teeth and long nail of that wild dog. I touched the cross cut and smiled. According to my father,'' I was almost killed by that wild dog.'' All scratches of body have its own stories. If you want to know a person, you must watch his body keenly and find out the scratches, each scratch will tell you a unique story. Through the intensity of scratch, you can measure the intensity of one's life. Wounds over the body are the footstep of the journey of life.
I hung the sketch over the straw-made wall and looked it again and again. I felt that I was just looking like a Roman God. When the little artist went away, I took off all my clothes and saw my naked body very keenly. I could find any scratch other parts of my body. I felt a strong desire to love my body. I touched it very gently. it is the body that carries the soul. Very gently I touched my private parts and felt hardness of a man. Yes I am a complete man and I need a woman. I dwelled into the world of fantasy with the Muslim girl, the painter, the round face girl, the yellowed eyed girl and the black girl. But the black younger attracted me a lot. She occupied my mind with different positions. I allowed my mind to think about her, about her melting her tender body. Oh! no, it is was not good. I opened the another bottle of beer, and started gulping it. My father would tell me, ''Never allow women to enter into your mind, if once they enter into your mind, they will eat your health and you would loose your power, power of a man. Always remember it.''
Note : I am constantly struggle hard to read out more and more pages of the diary. Wait for more.
3 comments:
I think your narrative is getting stronger. You captured an intensity of feeling that has left me with little to add.
The pace was smooth and seductive. And the story of the scratches made me think of my own. I guess we all have scars (physical and emotional) that tell the story of our lives.
Well done.
Lara
lara! I am busy with some work so I am unable to write next part of the diary. Do not worry I will be back soon. But we can have communiction..tell me something about yourself...some funny thing about yourself will be nice. I hope your words
alok nandan
Ha! You stumped me. Now that is funny...I can't think of something to write. I've drawn a blank! All of my funny stories are in the context of my life and the people I know. I guess I'm not really a funny person. Ha ha ahha But I do love to laugh.
:) Lara
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