(by alok nandan, dedicated to a Nightingale)
12 September
Today when I was sitting in the library, the round face girl came to me and said, ''I want to talk to you.'' I asked her to sit before me but she requested me to come out. I came out. We were standing outside the library under a tree. She told me, ''you know, I want to mediate between you and my friend. Do you love her?' I said to her, ''If you want my answer, you have to give me a hot kiss.''
She became angry and said, ''My sandal number is 6.''
I said, ''If you turn it, it will be 9. Now you want my answer?'' She said nothing but went away. I think I have been an expert in handling girls.
Later the yellow girl came to me and asked, ''What you were demanding from my friend? ''
''A hot kiss, do you understand the meaning of hot kiss?,'' said I.
''I am watching you for a long time. One side you are playing with me and the other side you are trying to catch the Muslim girl. You know you are a hypocrite.''
''My first girl friend has touched me a lesion, both love and marriage are different things. Since then I do not mind to love more than thousands girls. I have already told you, if you love me, love me unconditionally. Why you are possessive to me?
''You will never understand the heart of a woman,'' She told me and went away.
13 September
In a leading news paper of the country an article about Adolf Hitler has has been published. In this article it has been mentioned that Hitler would hate his father and mother, even in his childhood he wanted to kill them. I was surprised to read it. In Mein kamph Hitler has mentioned about his relationship with his father in an interesting way.
His father wanted to make him a civil servant while he was determined to be a great painter. Over this issue both the father and the child were in conflict. But he would love his father too much. He wept bitterly when his mother died. He has mentioned in the Mein Kamph that he wept only two times, first time when his mother died and second time when Germany surrendered before the allied power.
After reading the article I went to the residential office of the newspaper. The editor was sitting in his chambers with his staffs. I said the peon, ''I want to meet the editor.'' He entered into the champers and after a little while he came back and said to me, ''He does not want to meet you.'' Before the peon could understand anything I went straight to the door of the champers and kick it forcefully. The door opened and I tried to enter into the champers. Two guards tried to catch me, but I said boldly, ''Do not harm me, otherwise you will have to pay.'' The old editor looked to me and asked me to sit down. 'What is your problem, young man?' he asked.
''An article has been published in your newspapers about Hitler. And I am not agree with the contents of this article. I want an apology from your newspapers.''
He looked to me surprisingly and said, ''Nazism in Indian! No way. This article has been written by a well-known Journalist who lives in Delhi, and it has been published from Delhi. So in this regard I cannot help you. if you have any objection, you have to write to Delhi editor. Now do not create disturbance here. You may go now.'
''I am going to court.''
''You may.''
Latter I met an advocate and asked him to file a case against this article. Everything was prepared but the case was rejected by the court saying,'' This matter is related with the Nazi movement and has no relativity with this country.''
I came back to my Omen and stood before the portrait of Hitler and said to him, ''Hitler! I tried my level best to save your honors, I have done my best.''
14 September
The Hitler issue has made me popular in the city. All the youths are talking about it. In political circle, specially among youths, I am being recognized due to my fanatic approach to Hitler. At the same young leaders are warning me not to touch Hitler as he has a negative personality in the world History. I have read Gandhi, I have read Marx but realize that Hitler is a name that can lead me to glory in field of politics, at least his name should be used for a little while. I am being called by different youth organizations to deliver my speech. I am thinking to use these opportunities.
16 September
For last two days I have been reading about the history of all political parties in India as well as world. Very seriously I am thinking to make my own political party. I am working hard over the structures of organization. I have read about all types of structure. A group of young people have gathered around me, and they think we can prepare for a revolution. I have realized that the people is looking for a revolution.
One of my childhood friends asked me to meet a well-known political leader who was running an organization. I went there with him. He was sitting in his room with his supporters. He had a locket of Goddess Kali in his neck. From that locket he made sign over my forehead and said, ''now you are my follower, I am your master, I am your teacher. You will do what I tell.''
I asked him, ''How I can be your follower?''
He said, ''I have made a sign over your forehead through this locket of Goddess kali, so you are my follower.''
Then and there I rub the sign by my left hand and looked to him, ''What will you tell now?''
He was surprised over my action.
''I have come here to discuss over the political issues so that I can form an organization. If you satisfy my mind I will follow you, otherwise I would like to move in a dusty storm rather than to follow an unscientific path.'' He became angry and asked me to get out.
Latter my friend told me, ''You have gone mad. He was a big leader in this state. He will be supportive in your so called revolution.''
I said to him, '' I do not want to be follower. I want to be a leader, and I will create more and more leaders who can organize the masses.
17 September
I am sitting in my Omen alone and thinking about all my activities. I am mentally preparing myself for the revolution. Again and again I think about the revolution. I am thinking about the peasants, workers, students, women and all the political parties who are dealing them, above all I am thinking to form an armed gang who will not only protect us from others political parties but also I will be in position to threat them. I am thinking about the name, flag and logo of my political party. I want an issue that can touch the heart of millions of millions people. I am leader, and I leader should know all the things.
I need a revolutionary formula. All the society has been divided on the base of casts. I want the support of all the castes. Again and again I ask myself ''Can I do it?'' and I feel I can do it successfully. The state is divided into two parts by the central government, and protest and violence has started. Let me decide my role.
Today when I was sitting in the library, the round face girl came to me and said, ''I want to talk to you.'' I asked her to sit before me but she requested me to come out. I came out. We were standing outside the library under a tree. She told me, ''you know, I want to mediate between you and my friend. Do you love her?' I said to her, ''If you want my answer, you have to give me a hot kiss.''
She became angry and said, ''My sandal number is 6.''
I said, ''If you turn it, it will be 9. Now you want my answer?'' She said nothing but went away. I think I have been an expert in handling girls.
Later the yellow girl came to me and asked, ''What you were demanding from my friend? ''
''A hot kiss, do you understand the meaning of hot kiss?,'' said I.
''I am watching you for a long time. One side you are playing with me and the other side you are trying to catch the Muslim girl. You know you are a hypocrite.''
''My first girl friend has touched me a lesion, both love and marriage are different things. Since then I do not mind to love more than thousands girls. I have already told you, if you love me, love me unconditionally. Why you are possessive to me?
''You will never understand the heart of a woman,'' She told me and went away.
13 September
In a leading news paper of the country an article about Adolf Hitler has has been published. In this article it has been mentioned that Hitler would hate his father and mother, even in his childhood he wanted to kill them. I was surprised to read it. In Mein kamph Hitler has mentioned about his relationship with his father in an interesting way.
His father wanted to make him a civil servant while he was determined to be a great painter. Over this issue both the father and the child were in conflict. But he would love his father too much. He wept bitterly when his mother died. He has mentioned in the Mein Kamph that he wept only two times, first time when his mother died and second time when Germany surrendered before the allied power.
After reading the article I went to the residential office of the newspaper. The editor was sitting in his chambers with his staffs. I said the peon, ''I want to meet the editor.'' He entered into the champers and after a little while he came back and said to me, ''He does not want to meet you.'' Before the peon could understand anything I went straight to the door of the champers and kick it forcefully. The door opened and I tried to enter into the champers. Two guards tried to catch me, but I said boldly, ''Do not harm me, otherwise you will have to pay.'' The old editor looked to me and asked me to sit down. 'What is your problem, young man?' he asked.
''An article has been published in your newspapers about Hitler. And I am not agree with the contents of this article. I want an apology from your newspapers.''
He looked to me surprisingly and said, ''Nazism in Indian! No way. This article has been written by a well-known Journalist who lives in Delhi, and it has been published from Delhi. So in this regard I cannot help you. if you have any objection, you have to write to Delhi editor. Now do not create disturbance here. You may go now.'
''I am going to court.''
''You may.''
Latter I met an advocate and asked him to file a case against this article. Everything was prepared but the case was rejected by the court saying,'' This matter is related with the Nazi movement and has no relativity with this country.''
I came back to my Omen and stood before the portrait of Hitler and said to him, ''Hitler! I tried my level best to save your honors, I have done my best.''
14 September
The Hitler issue has made me popular in the city. All the youths are talking about it. In political circle, specially among youths, I am being recognized due to my fanatic approach to Hitler. At the same young leaders are warning me not to touch Hitler as he has a negative personality in the world History. I have read Gandhi, I have read Marx but realize that Hitler is a name that can lead me to glory in field of politics, at least his name should be used for a little while. I am being called by different youth organizations to deliver my speech. I am thinking to use these opportunities.
16 September
For last two days I have been reading about the history of all political parties in India as well as world. Very seriously I am thinking to make my own political party. I am working hard over the structures of organization. I have read about all types of structure. A group of young people have gathered around me, and they think we can prepare for a revolution. I have realized that the people is looking for a revolution.
One of my childhood friends asked me to meet a well-known political leader who was running an organization. I went there with him. He was sitting in his room with his supporters. He had a locket of Goddess Kali in his neck. From that locket he made sign over my forehead and said, ''now you are my follower, I am your master, I am your teacher. You will do what I tell.''
I asked him, ''How I can be your follower?''
He said, ''I have made a sign over your forehead through this locket of Goddess kali, so you are my follower.''
Then and there I rub the sign by my left hand and looked to him, ''What will you tell now?''
He was surprised over my action.
''I have come here to discuss over the political issues so that I can form an organization. If you satisfy my mind I will follow you, otherwise I would like to move in a dusty storm rather than to follow an unscientific path.'' He became angry and asked me to get out.
Latter my friend told me, ''You have gone mad. He was a big leader in this state. He will be supportive in your so called revolution.''
I said to him, '' I do not want to be follower. I want to be a leader, and I will create more and more leaders who can organize the masses.
17 September
I am sitting in my Omen alone and thinking about all my activities. I am mentally preparing myself for the revolution. Again and again I think about the revolution. I am thinking about the peasants, workers, students, women and all the political parties who are dealing them, above all I am thinking to form an armed gang who will not only protect us from others political parties but also I will be in position to threat them. I am thinking about the name, flag and logo of my political party. I want an issue that can touch the heart of millions of millions people. I am leader, and I leader should know all the things.
I need a revolutionary formula. All the society has been divided on the base of casts. I want the support of all the castes. Again and again I ask myself ''Can I do it?'' and I feel I can do it successfully. The state is divided into two parts by the central government, and protest and violence has started. Let me decide my role.
18 September
A well known Journalist has formed an organization against the partisan of the state. I am asked to join the organization. I am little confused about it. I want a national revolution while it is a regional issue. After a deep thinking I have come to the conclusion that our nation is under a huge debt, and the new economic policy is not fit for our nation. We have only one alternative to get rid off the International debt, We have to deny to return the international debt as a nation. Is it possible? As a nation we can be independent? We can feed our population and manage our economy independently? How people will react over these issues? How far the Journalist's organization is helpful in my national objectives? I should join this organization in order to create awareness among people regarding the national debt. For a long time, we are being denied for the membership of the security council of the United Nation of Organization. It may be a public issue. I am going to join this organization.
19 September
Today I met the white hair journalist, and he greeted me in his organization. He was preparing for a demonstration and a public meeting against the partisan of the state. I was asked to work for this organization. I was given a car and a loudspeaker and two helpers by the white hair Journalist. I started to address people on the roads. I was just speaking about national debt and the Security Council. I tried my level best to prove that this partisan was also a part of international conspiracy. Surprisingly people were listening me, and I could see their attentive eyes and burning minds. I was changing places after fifteen minutes. I addressed more than thirty public meetings. When I came to the railway station and started addressing the people, one of the helper came to me and said, ''You just leading the organization in the wrong direction, partisan is not the part of international conspiracy. You are not allowed to say it. Be careful. I looked to him and said, ''I know what I am doing. You are free to address the people. I will not do it now.'' I came back to Omen, and thought about it a lot. I have to act strategically next day, the day of big public meeting and demonstration. I am waiting for tomorrow.
Note : I am constantly struggle hard to read out more and more pages of the diary. Wait for more.
A well known Journalist has formed an organization against the partisan of the state. I am asked to join the organization. I am little confused about it. I want a national revolution while it is a regional issue. After a deep thinking I have come to the conclusion that our nation is under a huge debt, and the new economic policy is not fit for our nation. We have only one alternative to get rid off the International debt, We have to deny to return the international debt as a nation. Is it possible? As a nation we can be independent? We can feed our population and manage our economy independently? How people will react over these issues? How far the Journalist's organization is helpful in my national objectives? I should join this organization in order to create awareness among people regarding the national debt. For a long time, we are being denied for the membership of the security council of the United Nation of Organization. It may be a public issue. I am going to join this organization.
19 September
Today I met the white hair journalist, and he greeted me in his organization. He was preparing for a demonstration and a public meeting against the partisan of the state. I was asked to work for this organization. I was given a car and a loudspeaker and two helpers by the white hair Journalist. I started to address people on the roads. I was just speaking about national debt and the Security Council. I tried my level best to prove that this partisan was also a part of international conspiracy. Surprisingly people were listening me, and I could see their attentive eyes and burning minds. I was changing places after fifteen minutes. I addressed more than thirty public meetings. When I came to the railway station and started addressing the people, one of the helper came to me and said, ''You just leading the organization in the wrong direction, partisan is not the part of international conspiracy. You are not allowed to say it. Be careful. I looked to him and said, ''I know what I am doing. You are free to address the people. I will not do it now.'' I came back to Omen, and thought about it a lot. I have to act strategically next day, the day of big public meeting and demonstration. I am waiting for tomorrow.
Note : I am constantly struggle hard to read out more and more pages of the diary. Wait for more.
4 comments:
Alok,
This was a bold chapter. I kept searching for your vision for India but I couldn't find it. What part of Nazism do you like? Are you anti-semitic, a white supremicist, or is it the power, the quick ascension to the top by inspiring hate, or is it nation building by invasion and alliance? I don't know...you'll have to tell me why you idolize him. I'm sure there is something that inspires you to feel so passionate, I'm just a bit confused about why.
Lara
Lara!
where there is ilitracy, democracy converts into mobocracy. I have seen the danger face of mobocracy. Have you listened about 'booth capturing'? I was denied this right first time when I was young and was highly facinated to this democretic right. I am neither anti-semitic not white supremicist,Yes it power that attraceted me when I was young and energetic. And above all, I was highly facinated to Fredric Willhem Nitezshe and his ideas of Superman. In hitler a saw the acts of superman. you just think, what would have happend if Hitler had won the second world war? As a youth I would always think about it. National socialism was a new concept to me. But theoratically I wanted some changes in it. In my early age I came to this conclusion that politcs is dog eats dog world. I have seen countless murders around me, you cannot imagin. And knew it could be controled only through systematic voilence like a well organized state. Do not froget it was my youth time.
I like the struggle of Hitler. He started from the road and came to the top of power and it facinated me a lot. He was a man of action, without doubt, and was very much expert in world's diplomacy. His imaginative mind had picked up a wrong idea and wrong path.
I do not want to hurt world or any one, and do not want to gloryfy Hitler. But it is true that Hitler had occupied my mind when I was young. I cannot remebere my thoes days without Hitler. Lara! In fact I had forgotten my thoses days, it is you Lara, it is you who pushed me back into thoes days. Now tell me what should I do ? Should I close that window of my mind,or should I go deep and deep. One thing is very clear! I am not going to take any responsiblity of thses words, so why I have already dedicated it to a nightangle. She is singing and I am wirting, yes! It is singing and I am writing. If it stops to sing, I will stop to write. As a writer I am very much honest to my self. Sorry lara ! I can not remember this protegonist without Hitler. When this protegonist was saying in his Omen, ''Hitler you are a murder. go to hell'' at that time he had consumed opium. AT that time his real voice came from his inside under the influence of opium. If really it is harmfull for the world,I am going to stop it.I am waiting for you singing.
alok nandan
I have one minute to write this morning. I'm off to work. Your explanation makes more sense. Perhaps you could include those thoughts with this diary. I didn't understand your motivation...it makes sense when you do. Perhaps an introduction....with a window into your world at the moment.
Keep writing Alok, there are many parts of my life I wouldn't want to share with the world. You are brave to do so. :)
Lara
Lara! Lara!! Lara!!!
Thanks for your words. I want to look into that parts of your life you would not want to share with the world. I am sure, certainly thoes parts would be meaningful, at least to me. You have a fantastic mind, and you know what Marx says--mind is world, and the world is mind. At least give me a glance of that parts.
Today I have neither friend nor enemy. I am a writer only who is writing everything honestrly. I neither want to please any one not want to hurt any one. I just want to write and write and only write.
Waiting for your words
alok nandan
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