(by alok nandan, dedicated to a Nightingale)
Note : I am constantly struggle hard to read out more and more pages of the diary. Wait for more.
Note : I am constantly struggle hard to read out more and more pages of the diary. Wait for more.
1 September
I have been reading porn books one after another. First I read the series of play boys. In these books I got a lot of sensuous stories. These are the very cheap books. In field of sex material I am in search of something different. I have bought a book ''Tantrik sex.'' It is an interesting book, revealing secret of sex according to Indian mythology. It talks about seven charkas in human body, and for each charka, a particular mantra has been given. It is a sex methodology, all the leftist followers of Lord Siva believe in this methodology. According to the philosophy of this particular branch of knowledge each man is a god and each woman is a goddess. Both respect each-other as a god and a goddess. The ultimate aim of this branch of knowledge is to get supreme pleasure. It has some interesting rituals. All the rituals take seven nights. Man worships woman and woman worships man in a very systematic and scientific way. At first they communicate each other with words, then they touch each-other bodies gently and find out the most sensuous spot of the bodies. They sit before them and closes there eyes and recites mantras. They do not do sex but just understand each-other mentally and physically. This process goes on seven day. What a beautiful idea it is! A man is a god and a woman is goddess!! I am highly fascinated with the idea! I want to worship a woman in this way. Having read a lot of play boys books, I am aware with the words of organism and G-spot. But I am sure the concept of tantrik sex is far ahead. It respects the body as well as soul. I am going to give this book to the Muslim girl. In India, all the married and unmarried women worship ''the Shiva Linga'' (The penis of Lord Shiva).Tantra is related with Lord Shiva. India has a lot of thing to teach to the civilized World.
2 September
When the director of the English institutes asked me to join a marriage ceremony of his friend's sister in a remote village, I gave my consent quickly. We planed to go there by Bullet motorcycle, Gajraj. A new adventurous journey was waiting for us. We had to cover nearly two hundred kilometers. The sun was setting when we left the city. We had ten bottles of bears. About twelve o' clock in the night, we lost our ways. One of villages told us to take a dry road but he warned against the dust. The young director was so confident of his Bullet that he did not care his warning. I had also drunk too much, so gave my consent for this road. When the bullet entered into the dusty road, we were surprised to see that half the wheels of the bike were under the dry dust. For a little while both of us thought to come back. But some where we felt an adventurous journey was waiting ahead. The director was a very strong man like his bullet. The deep darkness had spread all around the earth. Under the front light of Bullet we could see only the never ending dusty road. The bullet was running ahead and it seemed that a dusty storm had covered us. We covered nearly ten kilometers. When we reached at the marriage ceremony we were looking like dust ghosts. We had a hearty bath at a well. Some of villagers arranged for us Tari (an intoxicated Indian drink comes from a palm tree). We drank too much and enjoyed a lot. Early in the morning we left the place, but this time did not choose the dusty road.
3 September
A hot discussion is going around about Taliban. As a worrier, life of Mullah Omer is attractive but his philosophy is very conservative. The era of barbarism has gone off, the world is not ready to tolerate the destruction of Lord Budha's statutes. They want to make the world hell. Taliban must be stopped.
4 September
One of my friend warned me against the Muslim girl. He told me, ''His father is a magistrate. So keep yourself away from the girl. And besides it one of his brother has a criminal back ground.'' But today I met the Muslim girl and she asked me, what is automated Insulated Sndwich Panel?''
''First let us discuss about the organism and the G-spot, then I will tell you about automated Insulated Sndwich Panel, '' I said emphatically.
''You know, I love America and Americans very much. I have read a lot of books about American's sexual life. In Islam, women are not allowed to discuss these things. I think you can understand me, because I see you always reading books. Now do not humiliate me, I want to have friendship with you. I would like to eat mangoes with you. Now tell me about automated Insulated Sndwich Panel.''
'' It is an thermal element used in building to keep environment cool. Yesterday I was just reading a project, and these words were used in that project.''
''You are clever and lovable.''
''Do not bother about organism, if you want to understand the sex you must read this book,'' I gave her the book ''Tantrik sex.''
''What about the mangoes? '' She asked.
We went to a mango garden named Dhiga. We sat under a tree and asked one of the gardeners to break some testy mangoes. While she was eating mangoes, I was looking into her yes. I mumbled ,''Eve ! why did you gave the apple to Adam. You should not have done this.
She said, ''I always eats mangos from my refrigerator, but these are most testy mangoes I ever eat.''
''You know, these are coming direct from the tree. I love nature, and natural work.''
''I want to go to America. One day I will go there. I want a free life.''
I spent a beautiful day with her. I feel I am in love with her.
5 September
I have covered my flute with a sticker.'' I love you Indian' has been written over the sticker. I play it every night. I have taken a music lesion from a teacher and practicing seven sounds of music—Sa re ga ma. I think I am doing well. All the natives have said me that I am doing good job. I am a happy man with music and books. The Muslim girl always appears before my eyes, I am dreaming about her. Sometimes I see her in my Omen, sometimes I go move with her all around the world, Tokyo, Hong Kong, London, Masco etc. Life is wonderful!
6 September
Today the lady Chaterly's lover came to me. He said that she was demanding his notes regarding all the famous literary women character. I assured him for the notes. I was preparing a note regarding Lady Chaterly.I emphasized over psycho-analyses of her character. But I realized it was not enough. I tried my level best to write a new story. It was a story of woman who was in search of love and came in contact with many men. It was a journey of young woman. I specially used all the porn-words in this story and gave it to the young boy and said, ''You just give it to her and wait. I am sure she is going to love you.'' For last some days I had been thinking to love a married woman. And now I am in position to do experiment. What is morality? Morals are man-made, while nature has its won rule. I wanted to jump deep into a married woman heart and it was an opportunity to me. I had tried my best to come in contact with the round face girl's mother. Perhaps she had understood my intention, and whenever she talked to me she would say, ''Son! You have too much energy. Do not spend it in nonsense work. You have to do a great work.'' Now I was ready to touch the heart of Lady Chaterly through my story indirectly. In fact I am working systematically.
7 September
I have received a letter from the Muslim girl. The content of the letter is this :
Dear xyz
I have realized that you have ability to understand me. I have never come in contact with any man. Like you I have been just reading books for a longtime. I know theoretically I understand all the dimensions of a relationship between a man and a woman. Promise me, you will not humiliate me. I feel strongly that I am in love with you. I always think about you. I have read ''the Tantrik sex.'' It is a wonderful book. Is it possible for a man to feel a woman like a goddess and for a woman to feel a man like god? I belong to an orthodox family. Here you can not talk about the relationship between a man and woman. But what can I do if I have a lot of curiosity regarding this relationship? I want to talk to you a lot about it. But you promise me, you will not hurt me. I am sure you are an understanding person. I love to eat mangoes with you. Just lead me in your world.
truly yours
abc
I have been reading porn books one after another. First I read the series of play boys. In these books I got a lot of sensuous stories. These are the very cheap books. In field of sex material I am in search of something different. I have bought a book ''Tantrik sex.'' It is an interesting book, revealing secret of sex according to Indian mythology. It talks about seven charkas in human body, and for each charka, a particular mantra has been given. It is a sex methodology, all the leftist followers of Lord Siva believe in this methodology. According to the philosophy of this particular branch of knowledge each man is a god and each woman is a goddess. Both respect each-other as a god and a goddess. The ultimate aim of this branch of knowledge is to get supreme pleasure. It has some interesting rituals. All the rituals take seven nights. Man worships woman and woman worships man in a very systematic and scientific way. At first they communicate each other with words, then they touch each-other bodies gently and find out the most sensuous spot of the bodies. They sit before them and closes there eyes and recites mantras. They do not do sex but just understand each-other mentally and physically. This process goes on seven day. What a beautiful idea it is! A man is a god and a woman is goddess!! I am highly fascinated with the idea! I want to worship a woman in this way. Having read a lot of play boys books, I am aware with the words of organism and G-spot. But I am sure the concept of tantrik sex is far ahead. It respects the body as well as soul. I am going to give this book to the Muslim girl. In India, all the married and unmarried women worship ''the Shiva Linga'' (The penis of Lord Shiva).Tantra is related with Lord Shiva. India has a lot of thing to teach to the civilized World.
2 September
When the director of the English institutes asked me to join a marriage ceremony of his friend's sister in a remote village, I gave my consent quickly. We planed to go there by Bullet motorcycle, Gajraj. A new adventurous journey was waiting for us. We had to cover nearly two hundred kilometers. The sun was setting when we left the city. We had ten bottles of bears. About twelve o' clock in the night, we lost our ways. One of villages told us to take a dry road but he warned against the dust. The young director was so confident of his Bullet that he did not care his warning. I had also drunk too much, so gave my consent for this road. When the bullet entered into the dusty road, we were surprised to see that half the wheels of the bike were under the dry dust. For a little while both of us thought to come back. But some where we felt an adventurous journey was waiting ahead. The director was a very strong man like his bullet. The deep darkness had spread all around the earth. Under the front light of Bullet we could see only the never ending dusty road. The bullet was running ahead and it seemed that a dusty storm had covered us. We covered nearly ten kilometers. When we reached at the marriage ceremony we were looking like dust ghosts. We had a hearty bath at a well. Some of villagers arranged for us Tari (an intoxicated Indian drink comes from a palm tree). We drank too much and enjoyed a lot. Early in the morning we left the place, but this time did not choose the dusty road.
3 September
A hot discussion is going around about Taliban. As a worrier, life of Mullah Omer is attractive but his philosophy is very conservative. The era of barbarism has gone off, the world is not ready to tolerate the destruction of Lord Budha's statutes. They want to make the world hell. Taliban must be stopped.
4 September
One of my friend warned me against the Muslim girl. He told me, ''His father is a magistrate. So keep yourself away from the girl. And besides it one of his brother has a criminal back ground.'' But today I met the Muslim girl and she asked me, what is automated Insulated Sndwich Panel?''
''First let us discuss about the organism and the G-spot, then I will tell you about automated Insulated Sndwich Panel, '' I said emphatically.
''You know, I love America and Americans very much. I have read a lot of books about American's sexual life. In Islam, women are not allowed to discuss these things. I think you can understand me, because I see you always reading books. Now do not humiliate me, I want to have friendship with you. I would like to eat mangoes with you. Now tell me about automated Insulated Sndwich Panel.''
'' It is an thermal element used in building to keep environment cool. Yesterday I was just reading a project, and these words were used in that project.''
''You are clever and lovable.''
''Do not bother about organism, if you want to understand the sex you must read this book,'' I gave her the book ''Tantrik sex.''
''What about the mangoes? '' She asked.
We went to a mango garden named Dhiga. We sat under a tree and asked one of the gardeners to break some testy mangoes. While she was eating mangoes, I was looking into her yes. I mumbled ,''Eve ! why did you gave the apple to Adam. You should not have done this.
She said, ''I always eats mangos from my refrigerator, but these are most testy mangoes I ever eat.''
''You know, these are coming direct from the tree. I love nature, and natural work.''
''I want to go to America. One day I will go there. I want a free life.''
I spent a beautiful day with her. I feel I am in love with her.
5 September
I have covered my flute with a sticker.'' I love you Indian' has been written over the sticker. I play it every night. I have taken a music lesion from a teacher and practicing seven sounds of music—Sa re ga ma. I think I am doing well. All the natives have said me that I am doing good job. I am a happy man with music and books. The Muslim girl always appears before my eyes, I am dreaming about her. Sometimes I see her in my Omen, sometimes I go move with her all around the world, Tokyo, Hong Kong, London, Masco etc. Life is wonderful!
6 September
Today the lady Chaterly's lover came to me. He said that she was demanding his notes regarding all the famous literary women character. I assured him for the notes. I was preparing a note regarding Lady Chaterly.I emphasized over psycho-analyses of her character. But I realized it was not enough. I tried my level best to write a new story. It was a story of woman who was in search of love and came in contact with many men. It was a journey of young woman. I specially used all the porn-words in this story and gave it to the young boy and said, ''You just give it to her and wait. I am sure she is going to love you.'' For last some days I had been thinking to love a married woman. And now I am in position to do experiment. What is morality? Morals are man-made, while nature has its won rule. I wanted to jump deep into a married woman heart and it was an opportunity to me. I had tried my best to come in contact with the round face girl's mother. Perhaps she had understood my intention, and whenever she talked to me she would say, ''Son! You have too much energy. Do not spend it in nonsense work. You have to do a great work.'' Now I was ready to touch the heart of Lady Chaterly through my story indirectly. In fact I am working systematically.
7 September
I have received a letter from the Muslim girl. The content of the letter is this :
Dear xyz
I have realized that you have ability to understand me. I have never come in contact with any man. Like you I have been just reading books for a longtime. I know theoretically I understand all the dimensions of a relationship between a man and a woman. Promise me, you will not humiliate me. I feel strongly that I am in love with you. I always think about you. I have read ''the Tantrik sex.'' It is a wonderful book. Is it possible for a man to feel a woman like a goddess and for a woman to feel a man like god? I belong to an orthodox family. Here you can not talk about the relationship between a man and woman. But what can I do if I have a lot of curiosity regarding this relationship? I want to talk to you a lot about it. But you promise me, you will not hurt me. I am sure you are an understanding person. I love to eat mangoes with you. Just lead me in your world.
truly yours
abc
I wrote a letter for her. The content of the letter is this :
Dear abc
I, too, always think about you. I have read your words again and again and very much impressed with your honesty. How can a man lead to a goddess? What is sin? Let us define it together. I am very much fortunate that you love me. But still the love is not clear to me. I have attracted to a lot of women and like you I am also trying to understand the relationship between a man and a woman. If you feel better, and have confidence, I would like to act according to ''the tantrik sex.'' I will surrender myself completely before you and worship you. But at the same time I feel you are a Muslim girl and your religion does not allow you for such type of practices. So first we have to thin about sin. I always believe in experiment and I think a man of experiment is not bound with anything. I am highly fascinated with the concept of goddess in a woman. Let me read more books regarding this topic. But your words-'' books will ruin you'' always move in my mind. I regard woman from the bottom of my heart, but at the same time experiment attracts me a lot. Think about the sin seriously. What is sin? After that we will talk.
I am going to deliver this letter.
8 September
I have been reading about all the Indian Goddess and I am highly surprised that they have been regarded most. Goddess in human forms are unique concepts in Indian mythology.They are worshiped as woman power. Shakespeare has depicted witches, he has not touched the zenith regarding woman. I want to understand woman, I want to feel Goddess in her. I want to understand her ego, libido and above all her soul. But not according to the definition of organism and G-spot. I want to understand all these things according to my own ways. Even I do not believe in the theory of Tantric Sex without experiments. What can I do if my mind is not ready to follow any methodology without self realization.O woman! Come to me and tell me what do you think about sin? I do not believe in already defined sin according to the different religious books. I want you with your libido so that I can see and feel you in reality. O woman ! As a man I promise you, I will respect you, I will regard you and if you allow me I will worship you. I just want you with your libido.
I, too, always think about you. I have read your words again and again and very much impressed with your honesty. How can a man lead to a goddess? What is sin? Let us define it together. I am very much fortunate that you love me. But still the love is not clear to me. I have attracted to a lot of women and like you I am also trying to understand the relationship between a man and a woman. If you feel better, and have confidence, I would like to act according to ''the tantrik sex.'' I will surrender myself completely before you and worship you. But at the same time I feel you are a Muslim girl and your religion does not allow you for such type of practices. So first we have to thin about sin. I always believe in experiment and I think a man of experiment is not bound with anything. I am highly fascinated with the concept of goddess in a woman. Let me read more books regarding this topic. But your words-'' books will ruin you'' always move in my mind. I regard woman from the bottom of my heart, but at the same time experiment attracts me a lot. Think about the sin seriously. What is sin? After that we will talk.
I am going to deliver this letter.
8 September
I have been reading about all the Indian Goddess and I am highly surprised that they have been regarded most. Goddess in human forms are unique concepts in Indian mythology.They are worshiped as woman power. Shakespeare has depicted witches, he has not touched the zenith regarding woman. I want to understand woman, I want to feel Goddess in her. I want to understand her ego, libido and above all her soul. But not according to the definition of organism and G-spot. I want to understand all these things according to my own ways. Even I do not believe in the theory of Tantric Sex without experiments. What can I do if my mind is not ready to follow any methodology without self realization.O woman! Come to me and tell me what do you think about sin? I do not believe in already defined sin according to the different religious books. I want you with your libido so that I can see and feel you in reality. O woman ! As a man I promise you, I will respect you, I will regard you and if you allow me I will worship you. I just want you with your libido.
6 comments:
Wow! Alok,
I'm not literary expert but reading your private life is very engaging.
I wasn't crazy about part 12 until I read part 13. I love how you started with playboys and then dug deeper to find meaning. I was afraid you were going to leave part 12 and just be angry and diminish your lady friend. It was a nice turn of events to investigate and learn more about women and sex.
Thanks for sharing all of this. Your thirst for knowledge has taken you along many interesting paths.
Lara
understadning Lara !
In fact I was hesitationg to post these parts of the diary. But I realized that I have a responsibility to present it very honestly. So after a little thought I posted it. I never care about Literary expert. In fact they always run behind literary creative. To me your words are very important. If you like it,I am sure these pages will be liked by millions of people. I have sent some pages to the so called literary experts in Indian. They are saying, it very interesting. From your side I always want honest comments. To me honesty is everything. Some times I am fanatic, I do accept it. But soon my intelect controls my instict.
I have just seen your new work.The glass has been diveded into two parts like a human body. The upper parts represents the mind and heart while the lower parts reprsents feet and sensationa. The balance between two parts have been maintained beautifully. Let me drink this beauty, then I will tell you more about it. If I am wrong, please make your points clear.
I love your works too much and, it always give me an opportunity to look into your minds. A painter says a long stroy with just one painting, but a writer has to write more and more words.I used to wish I would be a painter, but after seeing your, I think nature has produced a more beautiful artistc mind than me, and it has given me an opportunity to enjoy your art works. I like your works from the bottom of my heart. waiting for more
alok nandan
Alok,
It is an honor to be appreciated by a mind like yours. Thank you. I find walking around in your head to be refreshing. The honesty, the curiosity and intense searching are wonderful. I'm so glad you liked the hour glass. I am amazed by how much you picked up upon. The hour glass is indeed the shape of the female body, and the top is the heart and mind and the bottom the roots and "sensation". :)
Someday, when I am ready to present my work in a professional way I hope that you will write the introduction for me. I hope your diary finds it's way to greatness. Will it be in English or another language?
I'll tell you what America longs for...life....passion and the experience of true existence. Capitalism/Democracy is an invisible chain that keeps us working like machines and we are far removed from the heartbeat of life. Your life is so different I think it could be a vicarious pleasure for American readers. We don't eat in mango fields, we eat in McDonald's.
Best Wishes,
Lara
Unimagine Lara !
writing an intrduction for your work will be an honor for me. I am always at your service. What do you think about the language of the diary? Should it be published in English or any other language. For your kind information, I am just recolling those days and writing in English, and I do not think it will be written in any other language. If I do it, I will have to work hard. It is the first draft...and your are the first person who is taking so much interest in this diary. Some people are asking me to write it in Hindi, but frankly speaking I not comfortable with it. I have read Hindi literature very well, but I do not want to use this language for this diary. What you think? My diary is expressive or not through Englis? I wil later tell you about the problem of Hindi wiriting. The correspondent between you and me regarding the diary is great. Do not you think a wonderful story is creating here...Who knows these words will be more important than the words of diary? I am hoping your words....enjoy the 14 parts... I have to tell you in interesting story about the 14 part latter
Good night.
alok nandan
I haven't read 14 yet, I'm just sitting down to begin. Your English is good and expressive but if you were to publish it you'd need an editor to go through and tweak it a bit. It wouldn't take much--just spelling and phrasing here and there. My friend Melissa is an English professor. I'll ask her to read your diary and get her professional feedback. I just like following the story, your thoughts and developments.
Okay...on to 14.
I will be greatful if your friend Melissa would read and edit this diary for the reders.I think her wise words and professional feedback are important to me.Just ask her and inform me. Now I have ot write more..
waiting for your words
alok nandan
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