Some pages of a torn-diary (part -25)

by Alok nandna Dedicated to a Nightingale
23 October.
All the students are very much busy in the preparation of the examination. I always hate examinations. How can a format evaluate a man's ability? Examination is not my concern. I spend my time moving here and there. I have just come back from my school, spending five hours there in my class-room. I was completely alone and thought about the school life of Adolf Hitler and Carl Jung. History was the most favorite subject of child Hitler, because he got and excellent history teacher, who would not narrate history, but would show history through words. When the teacher would say, the child mind of Hitler would feel the thrill of Greek mythology and the glory of war. It was the teacher who was forming is his mind. The face of the dull history teacher of my school removed before my mind. And for a little while, I felt it was my misfortune not to get such a history teacher. I do not know how my mind turns to history, but I can say it has attracted me like a current of the running water, and unknowingly I tried to flow with the current.
Karl Gustav was knocked down by another boy in the school and ''fainted problem.'' Why? And latter he wrote The psychology of the Unconscious. The history teacher of the Adolf's class was shaping the Unconscious of Hitler. I was unable to understand what this school gave me. Nothing !!! School is a format....it constructs mind in a certain format....while mind does not like format. Who care of the examination? And Why? Let me see, what questions they are going to ask in examination. I hate questions that have been repeated been repeated again and again in the examinations.....I know I have a brutal fight ahead, and it is making me happy and life full. I always want to fight, how can I leave without fight. My Russian Venture has been stopped forcefully, no matter. Let me learn some lesions from this great un-success. Learn from your un-success, it will lead you to success. No one will catch me, I am alone in my war. And I am in an advance condition, because I can count my opponents. I think the message of the unification of all the three countries have been spread in the class room. And it can be converted into an international issue. Is my mind is sure about it? Perhaps sure! Let me enjoy bottles of cold beers.


24 October
I am alone in my Omen and drinking the fourth bottles of beer, sitting before the portrait of Adolf Hitler, other six bottles are laying in the cartoon box.
"Why did you kill Jews?, Why ? Why?? Why???'' I feel his alive eyes, looking to me, but no words.
" I know, You waned to fight only, because were in the world of imagination. What was your imagination? You wanted to make only drawing? It would have been better if you had worked hard with pencil, brush and drawing papers. An artist leads the world to a classic war, why? Because he was leading an imagination, and millions of minds are following his imagination. What was that imagination? Anti-Semitic? Wait ! let me try best to recall the words of Jung, .... it is not in my mind...he said ....it in a bulleting...Let me listen your words...Adolf ! What I am going to do, you know? How can you know? Never Adolf!! Never!!!...Even I do not know...Ha!! I have no imagination like you, but I know how to fight.....For what who will care? Why are you looking to me only? I know you never drank in your life, always liked milk. But I love to drink beer....I do not want a Leader Hitler, I want a worrier Hitler! I think better while I drink......Oh! I am very much relax with you, but you cannot capture my mind....because you are past, and I am present let me decide my future. I will make my around clean. ....I know I am a dead drunk, but who care about it????????????
I think I have read a lot during my deprssion phase, and uncocously it running in my mind. But when I was reading I did not what I was reading....My eyes were running fast only over the words, but my mind was some where else.....The words printed in the mind works how, no one knows. What I am doing, Talking to Hitler......It is possible when, when you drink too much....And I always believe wine is my best friend.....Sorry Hitler! I like milk in the morning only.....Let me drink beer with you.....I know you can only see me from this frame......I am very happy....because I have to fight............