Some pages of a torn- diary (part 2)

(by alok nandan, dedicated to a Nightingale)
(Here is some next pages)
19 March
Today I met one of my old professors. He was a socialist leader but now he has changed his religion. He has accepted Budhism. All his dress has changed… He looked like a monk, a devil monk. Earlier he would abuse the whole Hindu system and its Gods and Godesses, and even today he was abusing them much confidently. Before accepting Budhism he was a proclaimed Marxist, and was very much hopeful for an upcoming revolution. Earlier somewhere I was highly fascinated by him, but now I can say he is a fool, He neither understands Hindusim, nor Marxism and nor even Budhism.I told him to do some constructive works and he started abusing me. He was planning to go to China. I wish he must be shoot there, he is a alive hell ! Always talk about destruction.

20 March
Today two young British men came at our English Institute. They were invited by me. During conversation one of them commented that Mr. Mohan Das Karamchand Gandhi was the helper of British. It was his natural comment, and I realized that he was telling truth. Letter I went through his 'My Experiment with Truth'. This book has been written by a very simple mind. In this book he has accepted very honestly about the events and experience of his life. Mr. Gandhi is great due to his simplicity. His death attracted me. He was killed by a so called fanatic named Nathuram Godse. I tried my level best to understand the mind of Nathuram Godse. I got a book ''Gandhi Wadh kyon? (Gandhi killing why?) by Gopal Nath Godse. According to this book, Gandhi was killed due to Political reasons. The death of Mr. Gandhi is more glorious than his deeds. All his political movement was not successful. Once I said this before an old Gandhian and he was very much furious with me. Even he was ready to hit me, then I told him that you were going against philosophy of non-violence. Anyhow he controlled himself. I always enjoy irritating people.

23 March
The electric girl gave me a message. She wanted to meet me. I was pleased to listen it. Today we went into a zoo and talked a lot. She told me that she was a painter and had interest in music. Her eyes are big and beautiful. But she is a clever girl who has a lot of boy-friends. She told me a lot of stories of her boy-friends. I feel a strong desire to kiss her lips but anyhow I controlled myself. I asked her to make a portrait of Adolf Hitler, and she gave me assurance. I am going to provide her the cover page of Mein Kamph. Let me see her work. I always feel a strong passion towards painting. I invited her to my Omen, and she promised me to come. I am waiting for that day. Meanwhile, I have a soft corner for that black girl and her sister too. When the director told me that the black girl was engaged with someone, a cloud of sorrow covered my mind and heart. I was very much frustrated and director provided me wine to sink. I drank too much, but my sorrow was more powerful than the intoxication of wine. Now I am thinking about her younger sister and the painter girl. The would be civil servant is now frustrating me. Again and again he is talking about committing suicide. I bought some poison from a snake holder and gave him and told, ''use it, your problem will be solved.'' He was surprised to listen me.When Mr. Gandhi did not dare to commit suicide after taking a firm decision in his early age, how could he do? Killing a man is more easy than suicide. Suicide needs more and more courage, better to say extreme courage.


25 March
The painter girl has gave me ''Godan'' written by Premchand. I like the character of Miss Malati. I love her, I love her. She is a beautiful and a brilliant woman. She loves Dr Mehata who is a philosopher. I love Premchand's firsts story ''Duniya ka sabase Anmol Ratan.'' He is an idealistic writer. When I turned the pages of Godan I got one letter and three poetries written by the painter girl. She is asking for my first story that had been sent to her earlier but she had refused to accept it. I do not know where the story is now. I have to search and I will search it for her.

27 March
The blond girl is still angry with me. I know her all secrets through the director. She is very much possessive to the director and he enjoys her possession. A new student has also knocked the door of his heart, and at the same time he is in love with her. The blond girl knows it and she is complaining against it. Sometimes he has some difficult situation regarding them but he manages very well, and says to manage more than one girl is an art. He is very proud of his art. Somewhere the blond girl is thinking to marry with him. He, too, wants same thing but he is afraid of his orthodox father who will never allow him to marry with her. He asks me what to do, and I do not know what to say.

30 March
Life is easy with wine and books. Still I have not decided about my future. One thing is very clear to me that I have ability to write. I can see those things that people miss easily. Let me enjoy my life with wine and books. I have decorated my hut according to my choice. There are one table and one chair, made of woods, in the hut. The table is full of different kind of books. There is also a bed in the hut. I have made a small window in the hut. An open and big ground can be seen through the window. I love this ground. At the corner of the ground there is a wireless office; it controls the air-traffic, two kilometer away there is an airport, the main airport of the city. This wireless office is connected with the airport. In the morning one can see, through my small window, those people who are busy in morning walk and the boys who play cricket and football. The first ray of the sun enters into my hut through this window. No one can imagine how much I love my hut.

1 April
I have just finished ''My university'' by Maxim Gorky and going through ''My apprenticeship''. ''My childhood '' is, too, waiting for me. I love his words most, specially the world and characters he depicts. He is the real representative of the proletariat of Russian Society. I have never seen such types of writing. His life intoxicates me. He is a real genius. Let me read him. He is great ! I have decided that one day I will represent my own world through my writings, I am going to be a writer, and nothing else. I have to create magic through my words, for it I will work hard. I have to create my own style, that will not match with any other style. But first I have to understand styles of other great writers. I don't want to follow them, I just want to understand them, so that I can create my won unique style. Let me start from Maxim Gorky. I will re-write his books, all the books. I will start with ''My University.''

April 5.
I am working very systematically with ''My University.'' Without changing any words of a sentence, I am transforming the sentence from simple to compound, from compound to complex and from complex to mixed, and vice versa. It is an interesting and mechanical work. With each day I am improving my expertise, I think very soon I will be in position to play with sentences. ''My University'' is a translated work, From Russian to English, so it allow me to work with it pleasantly. As well, I am thinking to do the same work with the editorial of any standard newspaper, it will give my writing a finishing touch regarding contemporary English.

April 7.
The painter girl has created a wonder regarding the portrait of Adolf Hitler. She has done a great job. She has made two portraits of Hitler, she has given one to me and has remained one for herself. But she has done a silly mistake, she has not made the Swastika mark perfectly. And I hate it. She has given me her five new poetry. I enjoy her silly poetries, these are full of love and emotion, although these are constructed not according to the grammar of poetry. Her lips are red, I always feel a strong desire to kiss them. I will take an attempt, no matter what will be the consequence. Will she oppose me? I do not understand a girl's psychology, but I have to understand it. Next time, I am going to kiss her lips. Wow ! The kissing idea is exciting me.

April 9.Adolf Hitler has written more than five hundred poetries for his first love, although he did not give her a single poetry.

11 April
I have changed the ribbon of my typewriter, but still it is not working well. T, D, E, S letters are completely vanished. Its green color has completely changed. I am trying hard to improve my speed. I have an bookshelf in my hut, its glass is broken. Rates move in it freely, I provide them bread so that they cannot harm my books. I do not want to kill them, I am always against killing any creature. All creature are gift of nature. I love nature and its law too much. I have hung the portrait of Hitler in my Omen. Whenever I see it I feel the girl. I am determined to kiss her…I am just waiting for her.


13 April
Horrible!Horrible !! Horrible !!! The smell of her mouth was horrible! When I kissed her, I feel the bad smell of her breath. I was just to vomit. Then and there I drank two glasses of water. She was afraid to see my reaction and asked, ''What happened?''. I say simply say, ''the smell of your mouth is not good. Next time when you come here, wash your mouth properly.'' A polite suggestion to beautiful women: must wash her teeth and mouth properly.
To me first kissing experience is not pleasant.


Note : I am constantly struggle hard to read out more and more pages of the diary. Wait for more.

A youth with devil's mind

(A story by alok nandna)
''Youth is dream, youth is energy, youth is desire, youth is action and above all youth is youth. It wants to flow like a natural river; it never believe in any grammar; it sets its own rule. Youth without ideologue is more dangerous for both society and nation. Today, when all the great nations are looking towards the Marsh, after leaving its foot prints on the Moon, we are here came to debate on co-education is good or not. I do not want to say anything pro and against of this topic, but want to say very clearly and confidently that I am against this topic. This topic is hell. Better we have to discuss about the security council, and why India is not allowed to be the permanent member of the security council, while it is one of the biggest democratic countries of the world, ''Amar was Addressing the large number of students of his college in the seminar hall. All the professors were sitting on the stage.They were ready for such types of words.
''You are not touching the topic, come to the point and say only about the co-education,'' Mr Verma, the head of English department objected.
''I have said that I don’t care of the topic. It is an old topic, and has been discussed many times. I want to provoke the youth to think about the international issues and about the place our country on the International theatre. I know you all have no courage to think so I am doing it. Germany and Japan have been defeated in the second world war, but still they have emerged as great economic powers…Why ? Why ?? Why??? Can any one tell me? …I know you cannot. Let me tell it. ''
Professor Verma lost his control, and said loudly, ''your time is over…come down from the stage. ''
Aman looked to him and smiled then turned to youths, '' Should I come down?''
''Let him speak. I want to listen him. '' one voice came from the youths
''Speak whatever you have in you mind,'' the second voice arose.
''We are not interested in co-education topic.'' supported a girl voice.
''Professor ! Am I allowed to speak? If you don't allow me I don't mind. I will speak. ''
''You are breaking the college rules,'' said professor Verma said.
'' And all the super powers are breaking the world harmony.''
'' If you don't leave the stage, I will call the police. It is not a political stage. It is a college and no will be allowed to break the rules. Is it clear?''
''Professor Verma, We students want to listen him. If you professors are not interested, you all can go,'' said a young man with loud voice.
There was a big noise all around. Someone threw a chalk over Professor Verma. Some security persons were called then and there and all of them were dispersed within fifteen minutes. Aman was safe and sound, as all the drama was pre-planed.

------------------------------------------------------------------

''You are a big rascal ! you knew very well about all the thing,'' said Ratan, distributing the cards.
''Leave it, and play the game. If you don't concentrate, you will loose you money…you know I always win in flush game, '' said Aman.
''Submit the board money. And don't fuck my mind,'' said the irritated Lalan, who had been continuously loosing his money.
''I have submitted my board…'' said Parmar Singh.
All of them had been playing cards for last two hours in the hostel room, as well as drinking and smoking.
''I will never loose. It is my board money,'' said Aman and submitted five Rupees.
''Why do you always takes risk? ''Parmar Singh asked Aman.
''I don't known, I just enjoy it…All the professors have been fucking my mind for last two years…And you know they are trying to stop our income. We earn money from the admissions, but now they are going to change the rule. In stead of cash they are going to ask for draft-demand. How we will survive?
''They will kick you off.''
''I will kick them off, I have already given them a message today. If they take any action against me, I will create a student movement. All students are in favor of me, they have seen today.''
''You have a devil's mind, you will go to hell after death, '' said Parmar Singh.
All the four persons had been given three cards each. It was Aman Chance to play.
''Blind, '' he said, throwing ten rupees.
''Blind,'' Parmar, too, threw ten rupees.
''At first I will see my cards, my luck is not in favor of me,''said Lalan and one by one picked all the three cards, after kissing them. He looked to all of them and felt uneasy and said ,'' pack.'' Now he was out of game.
There was a knock at the door. All looked to each others.
''What is time?'' asked Parmar Singh
''It is 2.30'', looking to the watch, Lalan said.
''open the door, '' said Aman.
Lalan went to the door and opend it. Six policemen were standing there. All of them entered into the room and arrested them.
''Why are you arresting us? '' asked Aman.
''You are Aman? ''
''Yes''
''Professor Verma has reported against you.''
''But what I have done? ''
''It will be explained in police station.''
''I will not go to police station.''
''But….''
''We have a lot of money. You can take all of it and simply report that we are not in the room. I think this money will make your life happy. ''
The police officer smiled and Aman handed him all the money.
''But I warn you not to create any problem against Verma tomorrow.''
''Certainly not.''
When the officer left room with his men Aman advanced to the door.
''Where are you going?,'' Asked Lalan
''I am going to love Professor Verma
''The police officer warn you not to disturb him tomorrow,'' said Parmar.
''So why I am going tonight, as I do not believe in tomorrow, '' said Aman and left the room.

The End

Some pages of a torn-diary

(by alok nandan, dedicated to a Nightingale)
18 January
It was a cold evening, and I was in need to smoke. I just came outside of my hut and went to roadside. Buying three navy-cuts and a match box I was walking on the road, I love roads very much, especially the open and endless road. I went ahead and ahead smoking and watching the people. All of sudden I saw a board of an English speaking course. I felt strong desire to teach English. I entered into the institutes and met the young director and asked him to allow me to take a class. He was surprised but understood my mind and permitted me to enter into the class. I started from the history of English, and explained before them how French literature is more interesting and superior than English literature. I tried my level best to prove that if Nepolian Bonapart had won England, today we would have learnt French not English. Masses always follows the rulers and this is the universal truth.All the student were surprised to listen me, and I enjoyed it. I have been offered to take the class regularly by the young director. I love it so I d do it.

22 January
She is a blond, beautiful and tall girl, but does not attract me. Although she has enmity with me, I am trying my level best to find out the reason. The director has allowed me to use his luxurious room. one can get her all sorts of comforts. I am found of the big table in the room. I sit here and write continuously, specially about those characters who are revolving around me. One of them is a black girl, I love black beauty. She is my student. She always sits on the first bench. I enjoy her eyes full of life, and funny nature.

23 January.
Today is Sunday. The director asks me to come with him. He has a bullet motorcycle and runs it like a plane. I love to sit behind him. He wanted to buy some books so we went into a famous book shop of the city. He bought some grammar books, and I chose Mein Kamph and The Rise and Fall of The Third Reich. Then We drank four bottles bear together.I always love drinking and smoking, I do not like any argument against it. Let me enjoy Mein Kamph. Good night.

2 February
What a character Adolf Hitler is ! Marvelous ! Excellent !! Genius !!! Not as Leader or dictator, but as an artist. He had only one dream to be an painter and nothing else. For his life dream he stood against his father will who wanted to make him a civil servant. I am sinking deep with words of Mein Kamph.The blong beautiful girl is engaged the young director.She is his student.She does not like me because she always sees me with the director of the institute. She has asked him to kick me off, but he likes me so he tells me everything. I have told him about the black girl and he is laughing. He wants to help me in this regard. Let me see what kinds of help he provides. The students are fine. I am using a book Living English Structure. They are enjoying its exercise works. I mostly believe in home work. So I compel them to do more and more home works. In class room I only like delivering speech.

6 February.
The director has a dog named Tyson. It is horrible but very friendly with the young director. Tyson helps him in many ways. He orders him to sit in front of the door when the tall beautiful girl spends her time inside the room. Seeing Tyson no one dare to come at the door. But Tyson does not disturb me. I can knock the door anytime, and certainly she does not like it. But I do not care about her likeness. I just go according to my own way. It frustrates her and I enjoy her frustration. I am reading Mein kamph with the bottles of bear in my hand. Adolf has spent countless day and night without food during his struggle and I am enjoying his struggle with the gulp of bear, is not interesting? The black wants to become a doctor and she has all ready taken two attempts, needless to say unsuccessful attempts.

8 February
I love my hut. I have named it OMEN. I have a typewriter, an old typewriter. I have started typing. For typing I use newspapers editorial. The typewriter is a hell, all its fonts not working properly. It was being used by a Socialist Trade Union Leader. I came to know it latter.

12 February
There is railway track near my hut. I often go there, specially in night. I pick up two stones and strike them against each-other. I love the sparks that comes out after striking them. Its attracts me like a naked girl. Then I smell the stones again and again. it seems like gunpowder. I am highly fascinated with this smell. I always continues with this works whole nights. The black girl shows her interest in literature, but I don't think she is a literary girl. She seems to me blockhead with chirping nature.

14 February
It is interesting to play cricket, Football is more interesting than the cricket.Today we have won a match and I have been proclaimed Man of the match. I threw good balls and took five wickets. Really it was an interesting match.

17 February
The political climate has become hot. Leaders from all parties are knocking doors. Today a leader from a particular party has come to me for help. He wanted to do a public meeting in this locality. I was arranging all the thing in a big ground. The stage had been made, the posters and banners had been hung but for mike we had no electricity facility. I asked one of the boy to consult the particular house besides the ground. Very soon he came back and informed that a girl is not agree to give electricity. I was very angry and went to the house and knocked the door. A beautiful girl opened the door. I asked her bluntly, ''Why are you not giving line?''
She said, ''I have no objection.'' I was completely knock down. Latter, when I went to the stage, I started speaking fluently, looking towards the girl. She used to give me pleasant smile and I completely forgot the public. I was addressing only and only her. When the meeting was dissolved, and met her and told her boldly, I love you. Her answer was, It will be decided by my father. It is a historical day in life.

25 February
I am drinking too much, and reading nothing. But I have been trying my level best to write a story about the girl. And I have completed it. At the same time, I am thinking about the black girl. Is it against morality? If yes go to hell! I do not care about morality. I know simple thing as youth I can love more than one girl.

27 February
I have finished Mein Kamph and looking more about Adolf. Today I went to the City library for Kubijek and fortunately found out ' Young Hitler' by Kubijek. He was his roommate in Munich when Hitler was young and struggling for the admission in art college. According Kubijek Hitler would love a young blond girl. It was one sided love. But he was confident that she too loved him, though he had never explained his love before her…It means would be dictator was not so courageous in love filed…I am more courageous than him, at least I have told the beautiful girl, I love you. I have to send my story to her, but how , I don't know.


3 March
The director has told me a lot of secret about a woman's body. I am surprised to listen him. I want to go through a girl.

5 March
I am reading Discovery of India by Neharu. What a mind he has! He has explored Indian very well in this book. A Neharu's Indian is emerging before my mind. But I don't like his international action. When he was coming from Switzerland to Indian by ship with his wife and only one daughter, he halt one day in Rome. At that time Mussolini was Italy. He asked Neharu to meet him but he refused because he did not want to send a negative message to the world. He was a democratic leader and did not want meet a Fascist leader. If were Nehru I would meet Mussolini.

9 March
Perhaps I have gone mad…Today I meet the black's younger. she has just entered into college. She is found of literature. She was demanding some goods and I gave her ''The Mother'' by Maxim Gorky. She gave me Sekhar Ek Jiwani. It is wonderful book…I flow with Sekhar's life…What a character he is! I love the younger one for this good book…In fact I love her most. Besides it I sent my story to the electric girl, and she has
returned it without reading…Go to hell ! Why a girl rejects a boy I don't understand. I have to change my mind.

10 March
Today a young man came to meet me. He is preparing for the Civil Service. He asked me to help him. He said that he was unable to concentrate over the subject. He asked me to come with his room. I went there. What the hell story he had.! He had engaged with her aunt daughter, both sexually and emotionally and had taken two attempts for committing suicide. He wanted my moral support. I promised him to help him. But he is a hell!

16 March
Whenever I sit to write my diary I feel that I am doing great thing. For last one week I am regular visiting the sister lover. He has a lot of books, specially over Indian history. One after I am finishing them, I have read 'India That Was Wonder' by L.M Basham. It is a good book, depicting the fundamental ideas of India, specially its great and mysterious culture. One wants to understand India must go through this books. Besides its I have read a lot of Ancient India. I like Chadragupta very much. English classes and bear are continue. For it thanks to young director.Wine is the most beautiful thing created by man. After consuming it a fundamental man emerges, a poet starts poetry, a philosopher thinks high, a scientist creates new invention and a criminal thinks about crime…if you want to understand a person, read him after consuming licker. I love wine..
I love wine… I love wine…

17 March
I have just finished an essay written by Lord Curzan when he was a young student of class 10. In his essay he writes, I want to go to India as an officer, so that I can do my best there. As young aspiring student he was thinking about Indian. Wow! Really he was a man of strong will. I love him. As well I love Aurangjeb, He has not been evaluated very well by the historians. …In future I will try to evaluate him. He was a lover of music but he did not allow music in his won kingdom.

18 March
What is ambition? Why Andrei Bolokonski wants to go to war field against Nepolian Bonapart who is his hero? What is death? Is there anything important than life? What is life? What the hell I am thinking? But the old Russian writer has not done justice with The little corporal, after all he was not from the royal bold. Is there any difference between blood of royal and blood of peasant ? Blood ! Blood !! Blood !!! It is red and hot, and the country that loves blood always go ahead, at least the history of civilization say so. What Nitezche says, War is not the means but end. The whole Germany arose with this philosophy, and the world saw two world wars…..Blood ! Blood !! Blood !!!
I have to understand the philosophy of blood? The pure blood and the impure blood.


Wait for the next pages……of this diary
note : It is an old diary, so too difficult to read. Anyhow I have managed to read out some texts.

In search of creative genius in Indian Cinema

(an essay by alok nandan)

'Will is the centre around which all the functions of life moves.'
Schopenhauer

The secret of genius lies in the clear and impartial perception of the object, the essential and the universal. On national theatre or better to say on the international theatre –Indian Film Industry is a place where different minds play with the different tools to produce most famous and popular arts, the film; the moving film; the motion picture. Here all the segments of art - photography, music, acting, dialogue, costume, lyric etc- are complied with the help of scientific discoveries, in field of science everyday new technology is being invented and implemented in order to make the film making process easy and effective. A film is the production of conjugation of science and art. So naturally this field-film making world- demands more and more genius.
A natural question arises here, who is genius or what is the criteria of genius? It is universal question and related with many fields, better to say with every walk of life. But with question we move only under the circle of Indian cinema as it is the laboratory where we will investigate the universal question-what is the definition of genius?
The basic line of this investigation will be the words of Schopenhauer, the German philosophers who have worked hard to find out the definition of a genius. This is the reason the opening sentence of the article starts with the word of Schopenhauer. Let us go with them in search of genius in Indian cinema.
Genius is simply the completest objectivity, -i.e. the objective tendency of mind. Is Amitabh Bachchan a genius? Does he has the objective tendency of mind to his different characters? To him what is the criteria of selecting a character and how he co-relate himself with the character?
Do the audience ever forget Amitabh Bachchan and co-relate themselves to the particular character played by him? Or his own personality stands between audience and the character? He has played and still playing different types of characters, and some of them are still fresh in the public memory while others have been vanished with the course of time. Why?
The answer is very simple. The roles that are still fresh in the public mind have been played by a genius mind, with the objective tendency of mind. The minds of characters have been penetrated by the objective tendency of a genius mind who is not influenced by his own popular personality. Having demolished himself completely he has entered and occupied the other brain objectively and then automatically his body language and behavior have changed and completely a new and different person emerged from him. And people are still fascinated with those characters like Vijay in Deewar and Trishul, Jay in Sholey, and Anthony in Amar Akabar Anthony.When he lacked the tendency of objectivity his own has personality reflected in the characters, that have not stimulated the public mind and all of them have been forgotten. The long journey of Amitabh Bachchan as an actor must be seen in this perspective. It means genius is not a permanent phenomena, it is a state of mind. When a person has an objective tendency of mind he is genius, when he sees the world subjectively his state of mind represents his personality.All actors or their works must be judged according to this way, from V.Shanta Ram to Ajay Devgan.
Again we continue with Schopenhauer, 'Genius is mostly knowledge and little will while the man in general is mostly will and little knowledge.' Is Ram Gopal Verma a genius? Is he a man of mostly knowledge and little will? He has given a new test in Indian Cinema and is considered as a genius by critic and masses. He has touched the zenith in his field, direction. In some extents whatever he has done, he has done with clear sight so why he can be said the man of knowledge. He has gone ahead, leaving his will aside, and understood all the functions of human mind, without involving himself in the affairs. To him, love, anger, satisfaction and dissatisfaction and all the human psychology are just matters of brain. He can be better understood by more and more knowledge. To him, human's reactions are related with will but can be understood only through knowledge, through mind. And only through knowledge they can be perceived and demonstrated on the silver screen.

Schopenhauer says, ''Read the creator rather than the expositors and the critics.'' In the same way Anurag
kashyap says,''Better to discuss the film maker than the films.' It can be changed little as 'Better to discuss the mind of a film maker than his films.'' The work produced by a genius mind has value for the masses, but a genius, a man of knowledge, is always ready to jump into the mind of a creator; not its creation; because his hunger for more and more knowledge is infinite.

Without knowledge or objectivity was Raj kapoor able to make films like Awara, Jis Desh mein Ganga Hahati Hai,Prem Rog, Mera Nam Joker, Ram Teri Ganga Maili, etc.? He was a man of wide knowledge. He observed and perceived everything related human being very keenly and represented them on the silver screen, using the latest film technology of his time. Knowledge makes a man more objective. In other words the degree of knowledge increase the spectrum of brain and it is a special phenomena of a genius. Guru Dutt, Dev Anand, Rishikesh Mukharji, Gulzar can be interpreted as men of knowledge. Impartial perception of the object comes through knowledge.

Is genius has characteristics of abnormality? According to Schopenhauer, ''the fundamental condition of genius is an abnormal predominance of sensibility and irritability over reproductive power.'' What does mean by abnormal predominance of sensibility? What is sensibility? By nature all men are sensible, but the degree of sensibility plays greater role in genius, as Schopenhauer believes, and it leads to genius to abnormality. The best example of this statement is Nana Patekar, a man full of sensibility. By the masses he is considered as a fanatic man. On the silver screen he has acted many fanatic characters and all the characters of this nature have been admired because whatever he has in side or in his conscious, he has acted on the screen. On the silver screen he seems like a real fanatic character.The wall between acting and real life disappeared and audience automatically enjoy the work of an abnormal pre-dominance of sensibility. We must not forget that extreme anger is also a part of abnormality. Nana Patekar, in his acting, creates his real anger and touches the hearts of audience-from ankush to apaharan.
In ankush he is a loud violent character but in apaharan he is a cold violent character. But the degree of the violent nature is same in both the characters. No any other actor has touched this abnormal predominance of sensibility as Nana Patekar has touched. The reason is very simple. What he is in his personal life he reflects before the camera and creates wonder on the screen. And he knows his strength. At the same times he is found of rifle shooting. He has won many meddles in shooting. His shooting tendency also indicates his innermost anger and concentration. Anger is a negative force or passion if it has no objective. Or it can be said any abnormal pre-dominance of sensibility leads a man to disaster if it is without objective and insight. Nana patekar is very clear to his objective so he plays with his anger in a very systematic way, through concentration. Dramatically he changes his negative energy to positive one. He is not a multi-dimensional actor but with only one dominating passion, anger.
His irritability over reproductive or enmity with woman can also be seen in his personal life.
Is Amol Palekar a genius? He has an abnormal predominance of sensibility and irritability over reproductive power? He has tender and delicate approach to society; specially the middle class. He is very simple and lucid in his acting and all the characters played by him on the silver screen were admired specially by the middle class. Why? Again the answer is very simple. By nature he has all the qualities-passion and temperament-of a middle class youth who had his own specific pain and pleasure in day-today life affairs. So here, without temperament of abnormality he has established himself as a natural actor and it is his great achievement. He touches the heart of the middle class family in a very lucid manner. And he is a very perfect performer. Through more and more observation and practice a man can be perfect like any computer operator or a cricket player. His acting is simple as a flow of sleeping river in which anyone can enter without a fear of danger. But Nana Patekar is like a live volcano, full of anger. In the theatre he kidnaps your mind. Even after existing from the theatre many more think and behave like him unconsciously. With Amol Palekar one shares with his won life but Nana Patekar does not give this opportunity. He breaks the threads of the audience's mind through his genius work that has an abnormal predominance of sensibility. Both Nana Patekar and Amol Palekar are performers but with different and opposite temperaments.

Now what about woman, from Madubala to Madhuri Dixit and so many other female beauties who are playing different roles on silver screen ? Feminist thinkers have their right to react against Schopenhauer's words about woman , '' Women may have many great talent, but no genius for them everything is personal and is viewed as means to end.''
The unsociability of a genius is emphasized loudly by Schopenhauer. He says, ''A genius is thinking of the fundamental, the universal, the eternal, others are thinking of the temporary, the specific, the immediate; his mind and there ones' have no common ground and never meets. Amir khan is up to mark of this statement of Schopenhauer. He thinks of fundamental, the universal and the eternal and, of course, he is a kind of unsocial animal. Sharukh Khan may be a brilliant performer but not genius.
In conclusion, it can be said that Schopenhauer is not ultimate truth. It just provides a base to think about something deeply. Here an honest attempt has been taken to find out genius from Indian cinema according to the given formula of Schopenhauer. one is free to think according to his own way.

A letter to Miss X

(A story by alok nandan)
I am not Voltaire; and you are not Marquise Du Chatelet. But to me you are not less than Chatelet, although we have not lived together, studying Newton's Principia, physics and history, playing in a private theatre like them. Physically we are two poles apart, but still your influence is within me, something very deep in the inner most part of my heart and over my creative mind. I wept bitterly, but not before you, when you told that you are in love with someone.
You are a brilliant woman, and you have a powerful intellect.When you told me that you were translating Vergil I was surprised as I had already read that the same work had been by Chatelet when she was in her sweet sixteen. Do you remember how I reacted then? I told, 'For a long time I have been looking for Chatelet.'
'Chatelte!' exclaimed you.
'Marquise Du Chatelet, whom Voltaire would love and she dominated him sixteen years,' said I, looking into your life full eyes.
Well, today you are far from me and after a long period I have sit to write you. But space and time has not changed my mind; you are always before my eyes, no matter either they are closed or opened, though I struggle hard to erase your face, unsuccessful attempts one after another. Very frank to you, in spite of being a logical man I could not control my mind, and not even today. In fact I have lost my intellectual peace since you parted from me. The world teach me a lesion, ''Nothing ever goes according to plan.'' But you still remain in the chamber of my mind.
My destiny has decided something different to me, I wanted to play with words so that one day I could express myself forcefully before the world through my pen, all my smile and tears. But all of sudden I was kicked into a world of secret agents where I was given a code number 144.It was my new identity, I lost my name for ever. And very soon I realized that a global war was going around me for military, industrial, economical and cultural supremacy and who were the players of this terrific game was not known to me, even till now I do not know about them. I was just a small fish in the dog eat's dog world. And now the game is finished as I have been captured in a war zone and my fate has been decided- certainly I will be killed.
'God gave us reason as he gave feathers to birds and fur to bears.' These word of Voltaire never satisfied me, especially after meeting you. I realized that heart is more important than the mind. Again and again I tried my level best to come over my heart, I used all the method to activate my mind but all vent into vain. Centre of life is not mind but heart, not reason but feeling. You always laughed when I d explained Voltaire in this regard. I enjoyed your laughing. Oh! Your tears were too horrible, at least to me.
It was a moonless night, you were busy with your telescope, in star-gazing. When you told me to watch a little star through your telescope, I bent down and felt warmth of your fascinating breath, though you were completely unaware of my feeling, about my warm feeling. After a long while when I disclosed the feeling of that day you said, '' A woman should never believe a man, after all a man is man.'' Tears came in your eyes and I was in state of bewilderment. I could not understand the meaning of your tears and mysterious words. What do you mean by a man is a man ?
In order to understand the meaning of your tears and mysterious words I went deep into the mind of Segmund Frieud. Having read him thoroughly, about conscious, sub-conscious and un-conscious, I was surprised of his own statement, ''I am not sure whatever I have written about woman is true, because, after all, I am not a woman. '' He was very much honest regarding this statement. Since then I left my efforts to understand the meaning of your tears and words. After that I became a silent lover.
But one day when you told me that you had a great regard to me I was sad as black clouds. I never wanted your regard, but love, love of a woman, love of a complete woman like you.
Once you told me that I was genius, because I was a man of knowledge. The words of Schopenhaur reflected in my mind,'' The Fundamental condition of a genius is an abnormal pre-dominance of sensibility and irritability over reproductive power.''
I told you, ''According to Schopenhaur I cannot be a genius, as, to him, enmity between genius and woman is universal. And I love woman.'' Before you a lot of woman came in my life. I told you about all of those women. One of them was a professor, to whom I was fascinated lustfully, not intellectually and emotionally.You listened my words carefully and then discussed about the relationship between a man and a woman. So I am not a genius according to Schopenhaur.
Do you remember you were fond of movies and music. You'd like French film very much, specially the new wave movement's films. You loved Godard too much. Do you still love him? In Indian film maker list you loved Gurudutt most. You always loved classics, unfortunately I was not in your list, why not ? why not?? why not??? I hate you, I hate you from the bottom of my heart. Oh, no! still I love you like Voltaire would love Marquise du chatelet.
Chateltet, at the court of Lorraine, fell in love with Marquis de saint-Lambert, a young officer of the guard.
In the autumn of 1748 Voltaire accidentally discovered their relationship, and for some hours he was furious. Anyhow he managed to control of his mind like me when you first disclosed your relationship with a young boy. I was highly upset like Voltaire. Can you imagine about the mental condition a man who has lost his love? For you I cannot say the words of William Shakespear –'Fidelity! thy the name is woman !' Yes it was one-sided love. There was no sign of fidelity. It was my fault and I had to pay for it, even today I am paying for it.
But how it was possible that you did not understand the language of eyes ? It is said that a woman has a sixth sense. Anyway forget it. The past has no meaning. But really it is possible to forget the past? Too difficult to do it. Better to say ''impossible.''
How can I forget your alive eyes, full of dreams and promise, your touching smile, blunt-cut hair, funny style and above all impulsive nature and bright mind ? I can't.
Chatetelet finished her Newton a few hours before a child was born and died 10 days latter on 10 the September 1749. Voltaire was stricken. With passionate grief, he said to Saint-Lambert, whom he had anyhow accepted, ''It is not at all a mistress I have lost; I have lost half of myself, a mind for whom mine was made; a friend of twenty years. I loved her as the most tender father loves her daughter.''
The news of your death came to me when I was in a war zone and I felt down. The words of your friend were still airing on my mobile and then and there I was arrested in my unconscious state of mind. The countdown has been started, the death is before my eyes. I am going to close my eyes so that I can see your face last time. Through these words let the world know the mystery and composition of love, and endless love.These words are not for you, my sweet heart!, these words are not for you. I am just writing these words for my sake.
Now I am listening the sound of boots- the sound of death, one, two, three, four…where are you? Would you meet me after the death ? Is there life after the death ?

The end

Fight! But for whom ?

(A short story by alok nandan)

The train was running fast. He was sitting at the window. Two people were eating some chips before him and he was trying to avoid them. A person besides him writing something in his diary. Somewhere he felt urgency to write but had no pen and paper. He was hungry for last two days and did not know where the train was going. All his peasants army were crushed by a brutal hand. Most of them had been arrested or killed. Two days ago he was fighting in a jungle for a revolution. Along with his comrades he wanted to make a good world, a world free from all exploitations.
The train stopped but there was no platform. Some people got off.
'A dead body is laying on the track', some one said loudly. He left his place and followed the voice. Passengers are running to the engine. He, too, went toward it. Before the engine a woman body was laying, naked. It had been cut into two parts.
'It is a brutal death!'
'Perhaps she is pregnant and someone threw it away from a running train'
'Let the body moves from the track.'
'Yes it is necessary.'
Different minds different voices. But no one dared to touch the body. He looked to the distorted body.
A guard came there asked people to remove the body, but no one was ready to do it.
He glanced to the passengers and said in hallucination, 'I will remove the body from the track.' All looked to him.
'Then do it,' someone said.
'But I want money. Who will pay me for this work'
Listening his words all the passengers became angry with him.
'You want money! Oh God, this man is a hell. He wants to earn from a dead body,' said someone angrily.
'Yes, I want money. Who will pay me?'
'Do it for the sake of humanity' a man said.
'I love humanity but not my hunger, If you believe in humanity, pay me for this work,'
'Why should I pay?'
'Then don't talk about humanity. I give you an alternative, You all collect the money from the passengers and pay me. I am ready to remove the body,' he said confidently.
All the passengers started abusing him, but no one was ready to give a single penny.
The guard said, ' Don't worry. The train will pass over her body. It is not our job. The local police will look after the matter. He directed the passengers to take their place. All the passengers moved to their respective bogies. He too.
The guard showed the green flag and the train started moving ahead. Once again all the wheels of the train passed over the dead body.
He came back to the window, and looked out side. Again the train was running fast, and he was thinking for the next battle that he had to fight, for the sake of humanity.
'It is a testy chips' the man in front of him said. He looked to the man and tried hard to suppress his hunger. The man besides him was writing continuously, perhaps about his pleasant journey or perhaps writing a letter to his beloved or perhaps a romantic poetry or perhaps his old memories…or perhaps….He closed his eyes and horrible picture of war field moved before them….he and his men were fighting for a better world, for the shake of humanity…all are dead now…Oh he had to fight, he had to fight, he had to fight…but for whom?

No-smoking

(A short story by alok nandan)
Sapana was very much busy with her up coming programme about no-smoking. The chief guest had already come and all the technicians were engaged to have there tools in right positions. Everything was being prepared in hurry in the newsroom. She glanced herself in a handy-mirror and looked to the camera man.
'Are you ok, madam?.' asked the camera man.
'Yes,' she answered and looked to the chief guest Batra.' Mr. Batra ! Are you ready?'
'Yes' he said politely.
The countdown started. five…four…three…two…one..zero.
'You all are welcome in hour special show no-smoking. People all around the globe are very much addicted with dangerous smoking habits. At first I would like to go through the latest WHO report of smoking…and then will talk to the exert and today's chief guest Mr Batra who would explain the horror of smoking….,' she started to explore her screen story confidently. She was a perfect TV journalist. One after another she presented the facts and figures about the horror of smoking,then turned to the chief guest, 'how we can make the world of smokeless people? As you have just seen that it is affecting millions of millions people and one of the most important cause of increasing untimely death…'
'Well! We have to start a crusade against smoking, first we have to aware the people against it and have to save the next generation. Smoking is bad.'
The program went well, she tried her hard to explain all the inns and outs of the smoking. After finishing the program she came out of the news room. Her phone started ringing. She was being congratulated from all around the country for an excellent presentation. Many people said that they were in mood to leave the smoking and were going to use the methods that had been shown and discussed in the program.
With the chide guest she went to the canteen.
'What would you like sir? she asked.
'It was an excellent show…no-smoking…I would like a navy-cut.
She took navy-cut from the canteen and handed it to Batara.
Batra lit the cigret and looked to her, 'You don't smoke?'
'I love classic mild.' she said and took out a packet of classic mild from her pocket. She opened the packet and pick up a classic mild and caught it in her lips. Batra lit the lighter for her.
Having taking a deep puff she said, 'thank you.' Smoke was coming out form her mouth and nose after touching her heart.
The end

condom

(A story by alok nandan, dedicated a story narrator)
Manthan had been drinking for lost four hours. He was trying to make his mind free from the memory of Prerana. But it was an unsuccessful attempt. Again and again she appeared before his eyes with her pleasant smile. From the bottom of his heart he loved her but somewhere in his mind there was a doubt. One of his friends had told him that she was in love with a young actor and was going to marry with him soon. Although his heart not ready to accept it but his mind was thinking over it again and again. There was a conflict between his heart and mind, the brutal conflict, and he was restless.
'She is a bitch, she is cheating me. I love her…from the bottom of my heart…and I know she, too, loves me….In spite of it I am not sure about her character…Yes ! she is cheating me…Oh my mind is against her…What should I do? I don't want to loose her…It is my sixth love….Earlier I have engaged with five girls…And I was in love with all those girls in the different phases of my life…It is my six love and the true love., ' he mumbled.
'Why don't you check her ?,' said Jatindra, picking up his glass.
'What do you mean? ,' he asked.
'You have two alternatives, either you believe in her blindly or you must evaluate her? ', he said, gulping the wine.
'Whatever you want to say, say clearly. One thing is very clear that I love her too much.'
'Why don't you go through her? If she loves you, she will not deny. And to my mind it is the climax of any love. When a woman surrender before a man, it means she loves him very much. So just use this trick and confirm her faith and love,' suggested Jatindra.
'I have told you that I love her, I don't want to get her body, but soul. Do you understand the difference between fucking and love? You can' t, because you are a dog…yes! you are a dog…you understand only the fucking language. Love is something divine…it is feeling…a sweet feeling…related with heart not with body's desire. You know very well I have a lot of money in my pocket…and I can take a prostitute, as I would…But whenever I think about her I never feel like that…Have you seen in her innocent eyes, full of life. They say stories, stories of different world. She is very near to my soul,' he said, looking to Jatindra's eyes.
'I have met a lot of women. And I can say all women like it. And to my mind without it there is no love. You are wise enough, so how can you deny this fact? If you want to feel a woman, you feel it through her tender body. You are talking about soul….but I think it is the body that leads you to soul. In this world there is no soul. Lord Krishna says that the soul is immortal, it neither born not dies. It sounds good but according to scientific point of view soul is nothing but just a hypothesis. You see body, you enjoy body, you enjoy the female's smell and then feel the existence of soul.'
'Logic makes you rude. It kills emotions. I hate logics. May be soul is a hypothesis, I love this hypothesis,' said Manthan. The words were coming from his heart not from his mind. He was trying to convince Jatindra as well as himself.
'What Lord Budha would say about soul, do you know? ,' asked Jatindra. 'A Brahmin was talking about the existence of soul. He went to a bull-card. And then asked the Brahmin touching the bull, ''what is it? ''.'' A bull'' he answered. Later touching the wheel he asked ''What is it''. ''Wheel'' he again answered. One by one he touched all the parts of the bull-card and the Brahmin pronounced the words related with particular objects. During the whole process the word bull-card is not pronounced. Then Lord Budha asked the Brahmin 'Tell me where is your bull-card? The Brahmin had no answer. Then Lord Budha said, '' like the bull-card there is no soul. It is body through which we feel the existence of soul. So my dear good friend, If you want her love, you must feel it through her body. If she denies, then it is certain she does not love you. If she is agree with you, then it is clear she loves you., ' said Jatindra emphatically as if he had revealed a great secret before him.
'But how will I do it? She is a virgin, as far as I know. I don't want to take a risk.'
'In protective way. Take it. This will solve your problem, 'Jatindra handed him a packet.There was malicious smile over his lips. Manthan eyes stopped over the packet. It was a packet of condoms.
He said painfully, ''condom!''
''Yes! condom, no risk and full enjoyment, '' he did not feel the pain in his voice, and of course he was unable to feel it.
'Condom!,' he said again, in his voice the degree of pain had increased.

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'Prerna ! I am very honest to you. And want to tell you very frankly that I love you,' Manthan said to Prerna, who was sitting in his bed and moving her beautiful fingers gently in his hair. His head was in her lap.
'I do love you, Manthan!,' she said and kiss his lips slowly.' You are the first man who makes me feel that I am woman. To me you are everything. Someone told me you are worried about something. May I know what is it?'
'Some one told me that you are in love with some other person, and at the same time you are ditching me. I am telling it to you because I am very honest to you, ' he said, kissing her hands.
' Do you believe in me?'
'I try to do. But my mind revolts against me.'
' What can I do to show my devotion to you?…Just tell me Manthan! For it you I can do anything…'
'Anything ?'
'Anything means anything !'
'I want to make love with you.'
A shyness spread over her face, and her face became red.
'What do you mean by you want to make love with me?'
'I want you completely, your body as well as your soul.'
'I have given my soul to you, and my body is always ready to show my devotion. Do you know I am a virgin. I have never experienced a man on the bed. I will be very glad to loose my virginity with you. I love you, and I don't believe in any boundary.'
Manthan took her lips close. The four lips mingled together for long. She forgot herself completely. She was exploring herself gradually, and Manthan was going deep and deep, although somewhere in his mind he was not happy to do it. In his unconscious something was wrong. He would love her, wanted her whole devotion but this way was not good. He had spent countless nights with many women, playing all types of game but would never feel such a guilty feeling. Prerana was doing all to show her devotion, but certainly it was not good.
With the course of time when Prerana felt urgency, he stood up and took out the packet of condoms. She opened her eyes, the shameless, devoted and innocent eyes, and saw he was fixing a condom. All of sudden she felt a wave of coldness. She was frigid. All the waves she was realizing earlier in her body had gone off. She told nothing but was laying as a dead body. Manthan went ahead, taking her body but raping his own soul.
After sometimes when he became calm, she stood up and put on her clothes. Manthan said her, kissing her hands, ''Now, I can say, you love me too much. You are devoted to me. I love you! I love you!! I l love you!!'
Prerna looked her, there was a sadness in her eyes. she told in a deep voice, ''Manthan, I love you, too, but since now I will not meet you. I devoted myself completely but…'
'what but? '
'But you don't. You don’t believe in me. I told you that I was a virgin, but you used a condom. Why? Because you don't believe in me. I was careless about your seeds in my field. But you were not…You wanted to get my soul, but even you did not get my body well. How can you get my soul? You have insulted me and my body. Manthan! You will never understand a woman. Never ! Never !! Not at all.'
'What you are talking? I love you, my sweet heart.'
'No, you don’t love me. Even you don’t know how to love a woman .You asked for my body, and I happily agreed. Then why condom ?
'I wanted safty.'
'Safty! what safty ? You were worried about my pregnancy or transmitted diseases ? At least you should have asked me once before using a condom! You don't love me. You just wanted to satisfy your male ego, and you did it. Now I am going. Never try to meet me. Yes! My eyes will weep for you, but my soul will never forgive you.Good buy, Manthan!
'Prerna, Please!' he requested in a sinking voice.
'No, Manthan.Don't try to stop me. It is too late.' She told and went out.
Manthan was standing there surprised. He sat on the bed, taking his head in his both hands and looking to the used condom that had some spots of bloods, bloods of a woman soul.

The End