Breaking the transparent falsehood,
Your golden silence lead me to a flight of fancy;
You emerged as a new thought,
Laying all night on your speechless bed.
A ray of dark light opened the lock of pound,
I too gaze in your eyes without sound.
I entered into the temple kissing the door,
Had imagined it a lot before.
Your face was as blank as unwritten verse
I could not get it was boon or curse.
When I was deep in the cave under mountains,
Drink some water, feeling the fountain.
I searched it deep all around
You too were bound to get its sound.
My honest toil went in vain,
I did it again and again.
flooded in confusion, shame, remorse and despair
I listened your silent eyes...Oh! I was not there!!!!
Monday, July 6, 2009
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
The online Journal
(a short story)
20 Dec 1998
''Press Release, phone calls, e-mail bombardments, ticker, editing,sound and bytes, Oh ! Its making me crazy. I cannot bear it any more. I cannot play ananny to storiesproduced by others. I want to bear something of my own, nurse andnurture my extended self that I can claim MINE", Nemi blasted out before Jena.
''What What What come again?'', she asked bamboozled.
''I will go mad. I have no time to think but my mind is never at rest.In the mid of night I will get a call `six girls children have died in hut in remote part ofIndia of hunger'. I work hard to get it covered for this national channel. And when I sleep in the night all the dead girls alive in my mind with their bones popping out. Oh! I have gonemad. I need a psychiatrist. ''''O !!!" she exclaimed trying to gather sense out of the conversation.``
Well, I think, you need a leave.'' she said in a matter of fact tone.
''No, No No, " he shouted like a child. ``You are not getting me. Can you imagine a man who has been acting for last eight years without thinking? I want to stop and think. I want to think continuously eight years and want to find out some sense inthis nonsense work.''
''Well, you are working for the people. You cannot say like that. You have broken big stories. You are a professional Journalist.''
''A Professional Journalist! I am a journalist, a devoted journalist.But at the end of the day I feel have only worked for media houses, not for the people. I am tired of it. I will leave it''.
''What do you mean ?''
''Going alone, no means of communication.''
''You have gone mad.''
''May be.''
''Where will you go and for how long?''
''I do not know. But I want to think. ''
''I always enjoy reading your thoughts, so please write to me.''
''How?''
''I would love to read you on your online Journal. Please write for me, Please!!'' She hold
his hands.
''Ok! I will do it for you, only for you.'' he said smilingly with a sweet sadness sprink led across the face.
10 Jan 2007' ...
From the past 10 years I am translating my thoughts to words. I feel your presencevery deep in my mind, and I am writing to you for the promise I made to you. But ... why am I writing to you so religiously'
...From''The Online Journal''
After fifteen years.
...From''The Online Journal''
After fifteen years.
The online Journal is awarded for the best on line Journal and they meet in the award function.
''You have saved my mind.'' He said to her.
''I have saved Journalism through the on line Journal. You wrote a lot for me, and today every one is looking at me. I love it.''
The end
The end
Friday, October 31, 2008
Hypocrites
The cursor was blinking on the monitor. Thak...Thak... thak thak!!! Her ten fingers were running fast on the key board. ''Smoking is injurious to health. This warning has no meaning for people who are...'' Her fingers stopped as if she was not clear of her thought. In her mind something deep was moving but she was unable to express it in words.
A thinking monkey emerged on the monitor. She deleted the second line and read the first one, ''Smoking is injurious to health.''
She had to submit her story to the editor of the Journal today. She started again, '' What is the use of this warning if smokers do not bother to read it, and only this warning is enough to stop people form smoking? Why people smoke? '' She again stopped, and the thinking monkey again appeared. She looked to the blinking cursor. She always hated it. In irritation she deleted all the lines including, ''Smoking is injurious to health.''
The chat box emerged on the monitor.
''Hi! Sexy! What r u doing? We have arranged a party tonight for you. Are you coming '' It was Roshan's message.
''I am not sure, busy with an article.'' She replied.
''Oh really!! What about it?''
''About smoking and its bad effect .And my mind is not working properly. I will talk you latter,'' she closed the box.
She again started with the sentence, ''Smoking is injurious to health.'' But She could not write more. Her nervous system was not ready to work. She was unable to concentrate over her subject.
Unconsciously she quickly shut down the computer and went out. She crossed the narrow gallery of the office and entered into the canteen. Some journalists of the Journal were sitting in the canteen. She went to the counter and looked to the canteen boy and said, '' A mild classic please!''
------------------------
After fifteen minutes she was again busy with keyboard, finishing his article '' So if you want to save yourself from smoking, never touch it. If you touch it once, it will stick with your lips.''
Having sent this article to the editor, she clicked to Roshan's name and the chat box emerged. She quickly wrote a message, ''I would love to enjoy the party, smoking and drinking.''
''Oh, yes! Smoking and drinking.''
...............................
Devendra Shaha, the editor of the Journal, opened her mail and read the story. Unconsciously he lit a cigarette and clicked to reply. With a deep puff he wrote back, ''Excellent.''
The end
A thinking monkey emerged on the monitor. She deleted the second line and read the first one, ''Smoking is injurious to health.''
She had to submit her story to the editor of the Journal today. She started again, '' What is the use of this warning if smokers do not bother to read it, and only this warning is enough to stop people form smoking? Why people smoke? '' She again stopped, and the thinking monkey again appeared. She looked to the blinking cursor. She always hated it. In irritation she deleted all the lines including, ''Smoking is injurious to health.''
The chat box emerged on the monitor.
''Hi! Sexy! What r u doing? We have arranged a party tonight for you. Are you coming '' It was Roshan's message.
''I am not sure, busy with an article.'' She replied.
''Oh really!! What about it?''
''About smoking and its bad effect .And my mind is not working properly. I will talk you latter,'' she closed the box.
She again started with the sentence, ''Smoking is injurious to health.'' But She could not write more. Her nervous system was not ready to work. She was unable to concentrate over her subject.
Unconsciously she quickly shut down the computer and went out. She crossed the narrow gallery of the office and entered into the canteen. Some journalists of the Journal were sitting in the canteen. She went to the counter and looked to the canteen boy and said, '' A mild classic please!''
------------------------
After fifteen minutes she was again busy with keyboard, finishing his article '' So if you want to save yourself from smoking, never touch it. If you touch it once, it will stick with your lips.''
Having sent this article to the editor, she clicked to Roshan's name and the chat box emerged. She quickly wrote a message, ''I would love to enjoy the party, smoking and drinking.''
''Oh, yes! Smoking and drinking.''
...............................
Devendra Shaha, the editor of the Journal, opened her mail and read the story. Unconsciously he lit a cigarette and clicked to reply. With a deep puff he wrote back, ''Excellent.''
The end
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
The Silent escape
(Dedicated to Maxim Gorky)
"No will move," Secret agents Pant looked to all four youths, who were sitting around a table, pointing his revolver to them.
''Who is editor? I want only editor.'' All eights eyes looked to Pant, then to each-other, they talked silently.
''If you do not tell, I will shoot all of you, '' he roared.
''You are talking to editor,'' Mohanti murmured.
''No cheating! I warn. You are underarrest.''
''Why?''
''For this.'' He showed ''The journal.''
''I am reading it too,'' Mohanti looked over The journal. ''It is interesting.''
''You are a hell!!! And the government is waiting for you.''
''Why?''
''This journal has been scrutinized by top brash. And my duty is to put him at the right place. I have no any other affair. Just come with me.''
''Are you sure that I am the editor of the Journal? ''
''No dog game with me, I have been asked to take him at any cost...No problem if he is among the four dead bodies. I always love to use my revolver. ''
''Then you are an smart officer. Would you like to join us? Just for a matter that I am dealing here.''
''Ok.'' Pant sits among them.
''How all the fronts can be blocked?''
''For whom?"
''For democracy.'', said Vimal.
'' Democracy is thinking about itself...Am I looking fool? What are you planning?''
''You want the editor or this plan?'', Mohanti said.
''It is the game?
''Yes!!''
"Then plan."
''Ok, We are going to attack so called democratic fronts that are being run by Jokers...Media is our target...We are thinking in a new light about it. It is a created Giant...and we want to kill it....and we are simply talking in native language to native people.
''Good!! High dreams! But useless!!!''
''You are reading The Journal? ''
''It is a hell!''
''Many people are loving it, I too love to read it.''
''The drama is over. Come with me.''
''You are breaking the promise. ''
''What promise? ''
''The plan or the Editor."
''Oh! Plan goes to hell, I want the editor.''
''It is the character of democracy!''
Pant stood up. All eight eyes Looked to each other, talked in silence. Mohanti went away with Pant, undercover.
All of four smiled and looked to the box, under there feet.
''We have saved all five thousands copies.''
''We have to distribute them all as soon as possible.''
One of them opened the box and took out the bundles of ''the Journal'' and distributed among themselves, and run away silently.
The End.
''Who is editor? I want only editor.'' All eights eyes looked to Pant, then to each-other, they talked silently.
''If you do not tell, I will shoot all of you, '' he roared.
''You are talking to editor,'' Mohanti murmured.
''No cheating! I warn. You are underarrest.''
''Why?''
''For this.'' He showed ''The journal.''
''I am reading it too,'' Mohanti looked over The journal. ''It is interesting.''
''You are a hell!!! And the government is waiting for you.''
''Why?''
''This journal has been scrutinized by top brash. And my duty is to put him at the right place. I have no any other affair. Just come with me.''
''Are you sure that I am the editor of the Journal? ''
''No dog game with me, I have been asked to take him at any cost...No problem if he is among the four dead bodies. I always love to use my revolver. ''
''Then you are an smart officer. Would you like to join us? Just for a matter that I am dealing here.''
''Ok.'' Pant sits among them.
''How all the fronts can be blocked?''
''For whom?"
''For democracy.'', said Vimal.
'' Democracy is thinking about itself...Am I looking fool? What are you planning?''
''You want the editor or this plan?'', Mohanti said.
''It is the game?
''Yes!!''
"Then plan."
''Ok, We are going to attack so called democratic fronts that are being run by Jokers...Media is our target...We are thinking in a new light about it. It is a created Giant...and we want to kill it....and we are simply talking in native language to native people.
''Good!! High dreams! But useless!!!''
''You are reading The Journal? ''
''It is a hell!''
''Many people are loving it, I too love to read it.''
''The drama is over. Come with me.''
''You are breaking the promise. ''
''What promise? ''
''The plan or the Editor."
''Oh! Plan goes to hell, I want the editor.''
''It is the character of democracy!''
Pant stood up. All eight eyes Looked to each other, talked in silence. Mohanti went away with Pant, undercover.
All of four smiled and looked to the box, under there feet.
''We have saved all five thousands copies.''
''We have to distribute them all as soon as possible.''
One of them opened the box and took out the bundles of ''the Journal'' and distributed among themselves, and run away silently.
The End.
The voice of Silent suffering
''What is it?'', Sulekha asked Amar.
''Silent suffering! My story!!'' Said Amar.
''Our journal follows a certain policy .''
''But truth is truth.''
''You write wives are being raped and beaten by their husbands constantly!..''
''...And they have converted into the machines of child production and forced to carry children like...'', said Amar.
''The policy of our journal is to show the brightest parts of India...like fashion, lifestyle, movie, sexual scandals ...'' Sulekha said quickly.
''India is a country of villages. And the source of this story are villages, Gandhi Ji would believe in villages.''
''Then you must work in a vernacular Journal'', she lost her temper.
'' I am a country dog...but I want to bark in English. Have you ever seen the real conditions of Indian women? '', said Amar.
"I am the editor of this journal. I want to lead it in French style. It is sold in affluent society.''
''...Who never want to read about these Indian women....''
"No discussion. I will not publish it,'' she said emphatically.
' I have done my work, now it is your choice.''
"Never!''
2.
"Darling! I have bought a good book of Tantrik sex,'' Raman said to Sulekha in the bedroom.
''I am not interest in it now. I need some space '' She told in a tired tone.
''Oh! no, You are always experimental with sex. Your sexual articles are read widely. My all friends say that I am very lucky to get a wife like you. Let us try this book. You will get some unique experience for your readers,'' He held her.
''But I am not ready for it, ''
"A woman can be aroused anytime with man's fingers, I know you always love my fingers around your body,''
''Please, I do not want it right now.''
''But I am very much excited about the book.'' He entered his hands under her clothes.
''Stop it.''
''Oh! Come on ! You are always a hot bitch in bed and I love it.''
''But I do not want it now.''
''I do not care. When a woman says no, it means yes, '' he said and took her in arms.
3
''Amar! I want to publish Silent suffering,'' Sulekaha said to Amar.
''Thanks.''
''But you have to rewrite it. I want to add more truth of the Indian women. ''
''Wonderful! ''
''The women of affluent society have liberty to abort unwanted child or use contraceptive. Would you mind to re-write this story?
''Of course not.''
''Silent suffering! My story!!'' Said Amar.
''Our journal follows a certain policy .''
''But truth is truth.''
''You write wives are being raped and beaten by their husbands constantly!..''
''...And they have converted into the machines of child production and forced to carry children like...'', said Amar.
''The policy of our journal is to show the brightest parts of India...like fashion, lifestyle, movie, sexual scandals ...'' Sulekha said quickly.
''India is a country of villages. And the source of this story are villages, Gandhi Ji would believe in villages.''
''Then you must work in a vernacular Journal'', she lost her temper.
'' I am a country dog...but I want to bark in English. Have you ever seen the real conditions of Indian women? '', said Amar.
"I am the editor of this journal. I want to lead it in French style. It is sold in affluent society.''
''...Who never want to read about these Indian women....''
"No discussion. I will not publish it,'' she said emphatically.
' I have done my work, now it is your choice.''
"Never!''
2.
"Darling! I have bought a good book of Tantrik sex,'' Raman said to Sulekha in the bedroom.
''I am not interest in it now. I need some space '' She told in a tired tone.
''Oh! no, You are always experimental with sex. Your sexual articles are read widely. My all friends say that I am very lucky to get a wife like you. Let us try this book. You will get some unique experience for your readers,'' He held her.
''But I am not ready for it, ''
"A woman can be aroused anytime with man's fingers, I know you always love my fingers around your body,''
''Please, I do not want it right now.''
''But I am very much excited about the book.'' He entered his hands under her clothes.
''Stop it.''
''Oh! Come on ! You are always a hot bitch in bed and I love it.''
''But I do not want it now.''
''I do not care. When a woman says no, it means yes, '' he said and took her in arms.
3
''Amar! I want to publish Silent suffering,'' Sulekaha said to Amar.
''Thanks.''
''But you have to rewrite it. I want to add more truth of the Indian women. ''
''Wonderful! ''
''The women of affluent society have liberty to abort unwanted child or use contraceptive. Would you mind to re-write this story?
''Of course not.''
4.
'Sulekha!! You are the editor. You know our policy. We are not in favor of publishing such stories,' Mr. Joshi, the owner of the Journal, said to Sulekha, showing ''the Silent suffering.''
''But it is the truth.''
" Editorial board wants to remove you.''
''I will resign.''
''No, Our readership has increased dramatically. You have done a great job.''
''But what about policy ?''
''We are changing it. Under your guideline this Journal will be the Voice of silent suffering.''
The End.
'Sulekha!! You are the editor. You know our policy. We are not in favor of publishing such stories,' Mr. Joshi, the owner of the Journal, said to Sulekha, showing ''the Silent suffering.''
''But it is the truth.''
" Editorial board wants to remove you.''
''I will resign.''
''No, Our readership has increased dramatically. You have done a great job.''
''But what about policy ?''
''We are changing it. Under your guideline this Journal will be the Voice of silent suffering.''
The End.
Friday, October 17, 2008
''You are, therefore I think''
(A short story)
Amar was turning the pages of a book. His eyes were fixed on the pages, but he was unable to read them, he was not interested in them, even he did not know what the name of the book was!! After turning all the pages, he threw it away. He picked up the remote and looked to the closed TV, but did not push the button to start it. He threw the remote on the table and laid down on the bed. ''What the hell I want?'' , he mumbled looking towards the ceiling fan. The words of Kopal, ''What is it in me being a Kathak Dancer that you find fascinating or interesting?'' were running deep in his mind with the fast speed of the running ceiling fan.
'Cogito ergo sum !!!.... Je pense, donc je suis !!! ....I think, therefore I am !!!... I am thinking, therefore I exist....What the hell she has put in my mind....!!! Renee Descartes ...!!! Kopal has captivated my mind, Oh! It is not good.....My mind is intoxicated badly....She is more powerful than the bottle of Vodka...Vodka! Vodka!! Let me have it...Cocktail of her words and Vodka !!! Yes, it will be great! ..., thinking all these things he turned his eyes to the freeze. He left his bed and went to it. After a little while, the full glass of Vodka was at his hand. He looked to it and mumbled, ''Colorless!...Vodka is a colorless drink...I am thinking of its color because I am!!....like I am thinking of her because I am!! I am thinking of her kathak dance because I am!!...Without self existence.., how can I think? Oh! Has she made me mad?'' He took the glass to his lips and had a gentle sip. He felt the intense test of Vodka and had a deep breath and again started mumbling, '' How can I feel the taste of Vodka without the help of my lips..?My lips is a part of my body...one of the fundamental sense organs of my body. Can I think about the test of Vodka without testing it!!....No..! I can think about it because I am!!. She is a kathak dancer..!!! She knows about all the emotions, she must be artful in her life...I can feel her existence and her words because I am...!! She is compelling me to think...to think about Descartes, about her Kathak dance...' . He gulped the whole Vodka of the glass and felt its warmness in his vain.
Now he turned to the kitchen, picked up an apple from a basket and looked to it. It was a fresh red apple. Vodka had stimulated his mind little. ''Eve ! You could not resist yourself to eat the apple from the Garden of Eden. It was the tree of knowledge of good and evil.... What is good and what is evil? Was God able to establish the concept of good and evil without thinking? He would think of them a lot before establishment. He thought because he was....!!My mind is a hell after taking Vodka. Let me have more...I will drink Vodka and will think of Kopal's words.
After a deep bite on the apple, he prepared his next glass and gulped it whole with one breathe. His white face turned into red and deep inside his mind the effect of Vodka was mingling with the effect of Kopal's words. He was going deep into himself, his own wonderful world was emerging before his eyes, all the forgotten characters were coming and disappearing like a running movie. He was unable to concentrate on them.
''You are unable to understand the heart of a woman,'' said Roma and disappeared.
''Your curly hair is amazing. I always love to play with it,'' said Revati, and he felt her playing fingers in his hair.
''Jail is the best school, my dear boy! It will teach you the art of living '', a hard voice of an old prisoner sounded in his ears, while he was sleeping among more than eighty prisoners in a big barrack.
''You are a little child and have come to this brothel ..!! It is not for you....Go away!!!'', the irritating face of a beautiful prostitute flashed.
'' I am fond of painting! I want to color the world.'', Kriti told in her musical voice and he felt the warmth of his breathe.
'Oh!! I was waiting for it for a long time...Just kiss me!! kiss me!! kiss me!!!', Said Gunjan, having her arms around his body.
His mind was taken up by all the characters. They had imprinted their existence on his mind. With the influence of Vodka, they had emerged on his mental screen...!!
''How are you, Amar? '' She felt Komal was standing before him.
''You are a myth or a reality?' he mumbled. 'Oh! I have drunk too much. ''
''You wanted to see me dancing?'', she asked softly.
''First tell me, you are a myth or a reality? I am unable to judge it....I know I have drunk too much.''
''I am the reflection of your imagination, I am the creation of your fantasy, I am the mixture of both myth and reality and from here you can realize the truth of 'Cogito ergo sum. You think about me, so I am here. It is equal to ''I think, therefore I am.''
''Oh! You are illusion! '' He said. ''Let me drink more. ''
''Do you think drinking will lead you anywhere?''
''I do not know. But I am not agree with Descartes.''
''But it is true that I am standing before you....You can see me like you see the sun or the moon....you can feel me like you feel fire, air and water...you can listen me like any music or sound.... You are thinking of me, therefore I am here .Would you like to see me dancing? I would love to dance for you, ''she spoke in her musical tone.
''Wait! ....Oh! I am out of my hand...the way of rational and scientific thinking has made my life hell....It has almost killed my emotional development and feeling....I hate my way to understand the world and cosmos...Through your dance, can you lead me in a world where I loose the capability of thinking ? I hate thinking.....I want to remain without thinking like an animal. It would be better, if I lost myself with your dance....Can you lead my soul with your dance?
She looked into his eyes, and he felt a strong unknown emotion was flowing in her alive speaking eyes. He was unable to understand the language of her eyes....but yes they were saying something. He was being hypnotized with the flowing message of her eyes... Her feet were in movement with the words Ta thei ta ta ta. He closed his eyes, but still he was able to see her mysterious eyes movement and flowing energy of her body, even he could see more clearly before than. He sank deep with her complete movement in an unknown mysterious world, forgetting his habitant. He was highly mesmerized by her energy and the depth.
''khatak !!!' The empty glass broke in his hand and cut his three fingers. He opened his eyes and looked to the flowing hot red blood. There was no music, no sound and no dance. Even Kopal did not exist there. Looking to the flowing blood from his fingers he mumbled, ''You are, therefore I think.''
--------------------------------The end---------------------------
Amar was turning the pages of a book. His eyes were fixed on the pages, but he was unable to read them, he was not interested in them, even he did not know what the name of the book was!! After turning all the pages, he threw it away. He picked up the remote and looked to the closed TV, but did not push the button to start it. He threw the remote on the table and laid down on the bed. ''What the hell I want?'' , he mumbled looking towards the ceiling fan. The words of Kopal, ''What is it in me being a Kathak Dancer that you find fascinating or interesting?'' were running deep in his mind with the fast speed of the running ceiling fan.
'Cogito ergo sum !!!.... Je pense, donc je suis !!! ....I think, therefore I am !!!... I am thinking, therefore I exist....What the hell she has put in my mind....!!! Renee Descartes ...!!! Kopal has captivated my mind, Oh! It is not good.....My mind is intoxicated badly....She is more powerful than the bottle of Vodka...Vodka! Vodka!! Let me have it...Cocktail of her words and Vodka !!! Yes, it will be great! ..., thinking all these things he turned his eyes to the freeze. He left his bed and went to it. After a little while, the full glass of Vodka was at his hand. He looked to it and mumbled, ''Colorless!...Vodka is a colorless drink...I am thinking of its color because I am!!....like I am thinking of her because I am!! I am thinking of her kathak dance because I am!!...Without self existence.., how can I think? Oh! Has she made me mad?'' He took the glass to his lips and had a gentle sip. He felt the intense test of Vodka and had a deep breath and again started mumbling, '' How can I feel the taste of Vodka without the help of my lips..?My lips is a part of my body...one of the fundamental sense organs of my body. Can I think about the test of Vodka without testing it!!....No..! I can think about it because I am!!. She is a kathak dancer..!!! She knows about all the emotions, she must be artful in her life...I can feel her existence and her words because I am...!! She is compelling me to think...to think about Descartes, about her Kathak dance...' . He gulped the whole Vodka of the glass and felt its warmness in his vain.
Now he turned to the kitchen, picked up an apple from a basket and looked to it. It was a fresh red apple. Vodka had stimulated his mind little. ''Eve ! You could not resist yourself to eat the apple from the Garden of Eden. It was the tree of knowledge of good and evil.... What is good and what is evil? Was God able to establish the concept of good and evil without thinking? He would think of them a lot before establishment. He thought because he was....!!My mind is a hell after taking Vodka. Let me have more...I will drink Vodka and will think of Kopal's words.
After a deep bite on the apple, he prepared his next glass and gulped it whole with one breathe. His white face turned into red and deep inside his mind the effect of Vodka was mingling with the effect of Kopal's words. He was going deep into himself, his own wonderful world was emerging before his eyes, all the forgotten characters were coming and disappearing like a running movie. He was unable to concentrate on them.
''You are unable to understand the heart of a woman,'' said Roma and disappeared.
''Your curly hair is amazing. I always love to play with it,'' said Revati, and he felt her playing fingers in his hair.
''Jail is the best school, my dear boy! It will teach you the art of living '', a hard voice of an old prisoner sounded in his ears, while he was sleeping among more than eighty prisoners in a big barrack.
''You are a little child and have come to this brothel ..!! It is not for you....Go away!!!'', the irritating face of a beautiful prostitute flashed.
'' I am fond of painting! I want to color the world.'', Kriti told in her musical voice and he felt the warmth of his breathe.
'Oh!! I was waiting for it for a long time...Just kiss me!! kiss me!! kiss me!!!', Said Gunjan, having her arms around his body.
His mind was taken up by all the characters. They had imprinted their existence on his mind. With the influence of Vodka, they had emerged on his mental screen...!!
''How are you, Amar? '' She felt Komal was standing before him.
''You are a myth or a reality?' he mumbled. 'Oh! I have drunk too much. ''
''You wanted to see me dancing?'', she asked softly.
''First tell me, you are a myth or a reality? I am unable to judge it....I know I have drunk too much.''
''I am the reflection of your imagination, I am the creation of your fantasy, I am the mixture of both myth and reality and from here you can realize the truth of 'Cogito ergo sum. You think about me, so I am here. It is equal to ''I think, therefore I am.''
''Oh! You are illusion! '' He said. ''Let me drink more. ''
''Do you think drinking will lead you anywhere?''
''I do not know. But I am not agree with Descartes.''
''But it is true that I am standing before you....You can see me like you see the sun or the moon....you can feel me like you feel fire, air and water...you can listen me like any music or sound.... You are thinking of me, therefore I am here .Would you like to see me dancing? I would love to dance for you, ''she spoke in her musical tone.
''Wait! ....Oh! I am out of my hand...the way of rational and scientific thinking has made my life hell....It has almost killed my emotional development and feeling....I hate my way to understand the world and cosmos...Through your dance, can you lead me in a world where I loose the capability of thinking ? I hate thinking.....I want to remain without thinking like an animal. It would be better, if I lost myself with your dance....Can you lead my soul with your dance?
She looked into his eyes, and he felt a strong unknown emotion was flowing in her alive speaking eyes. He was unable to understand the language of her eyes....but yes they were saying something. He was being hypnotized with the flowing message of her eyes... Her feet were in movement with the words Ta thei ta ta ta. He closed his eyes, but still he was able to see her mysterious eyes movement and flowing energy of her body, even he could see more clearly before than. He sank deep with her complete movement in an unknown mysterious world, forgetting his habitant. He was highly mesmerized by her energy and the depth.
''khatak !!!' The empty glass broke in his hand and cut his three fingers. He opened his eyes and looked to the flowing hot red blood. There was no music, no sound and no dance. Even Kopal did not exist there. Looking to the flowing blood from his fingers he mumbled, ''You are, therefore I think.''
--------------------------------The end---------------------------
Saturday, October 4, 2008
The pain of creation
(Dedicated to an aspiring writer, whose mind influenced mine)
By alok nandan
For last eight hours, Rahul was trying his best to finish the last scene of his new script, '' the Outstanding creator'' He was dealing the theme of Oedipus Complex of Sigmund Freud. He was thinking constantly of the words of Freud, "I found in myself a constant love for my mother, and jealousy of my father. I now consider this to be a universal event in childhood," Rahul was not agree with the interpretation of Greek tragedy Oedipus Rex by Freud. To him it was the story of misfortune of Oedipus Res, who never saw her mother before killing his father, rather than the sexual attraction of a growing child to his mother. Freud had picked up a good mythological story for a bad reason. And Rahul was trying hard to prove it. He was surprised to see that a whole generation of psychoanalysis was running to a wrong direction after the miscalculated work of Freud.
Now he was completely tired, he turned to his mail and saw in his chat box the red light with Priyanka's name. For last some days he had been exchanging words with her. He felt strong desire to approach her and opened the chat box.
His fingers run fast on the keyboard , ''Hello!!! Are you busy??''
Priyanka answered quickly, ''Hi, no, not very busy right now. How are you?
Having got her response, he felt easy and with it chat started.
Rahu : fine
Priyanka: good
Rhaul, "I have just finished some work, and want some fresh words"
Priyanka, "Ok, on your blog?''
Rahul : " No. "
Priyanka: can I help?
Rahul : tell me some good story, anything you think good.
Priyanka : What kind? sci-fi extreme..... or emotional drama extreme?
Rahul : Your wish. Have you read Freud?
Priyanka : I have
'' What do you think of him?''
'' mmmmm. From what I've managed to read.........I think he was crazy!
'' How how?''
''Ultra-intelligent phenomenal''
'' And his work?''
''Ditto''
'' Hummm, Have you read GB Shaw?
'' Unfortunately not. My Dad used to quote him now and then
'' Like?? Can you remember any quote?''
'' No ''
'' You have to read him.You know before writing you have to read a lot.''
'' I know. But would you rather that its a written rule?''
'' No, not at all. From where you will begin?''
'' Gone With The Wind.''
'' It is a classic, but I have not read it. I want to spend ten years only for reading
I am lacking a lot of things.''
'' Are You advising me not to read it?''
'' No, no, you just read like a hungry lioness whatever you get.
After a time you will feel that you know nothing.''
'' Ok....''
'' And that would be the best mental condition. If you read a lot you will be able to judge your work.''
'' hmmmmmm''
'' Fortunately you have much time.''
'' Actually I may read a hell lot you know.''
'' like??''
'' Because I basically plan to read Business newspapers end-to-end when I begin my time at home.....''
'' Ok.''
'' I do read anything and everything nowadays also but...''
'' Day to day business report?''
'' I'd want to channalise my reading to an extent after I quit from work
maybe that or maybe a varying range of reports, not necessarily correlated
'' That is a great plan.''
'' Thanks ''
'' In field of writing you must be commercial hit
'' How come? I mean why? I mean are you saying that I must strive to be one, or are you predicting that I'll be one.....''
'' Strive to be one.''
'' Ok''
''Whatever you write, it must be published on the large scale, it would be good to cross the nation's barriers. Then you will earn a lot of money with self satisfaction.''
'' Hmmmm''
''What awards should a serious professional strive for?''
'' Capture more and more minds, make your reader addicted.''
''Is that the correct way to go about it?''
'' I think so, influence the minds of the era in which you are living, no matter what has been done or written earlier by great pen workers. But never break the established rules unless or until you are capable to give any alternative.''
'' hmmmmmm... I am the types who would rather leave the reader with a question mark than an answer because I don't feel that my answer is super and also
I am someone who would rather just take the reader through a word-treatment to connect with him and later compel him to think in a direction decided not by me but by himself/herself. ''
'' It is a great way.''
''I hope I'd be able to conform to my general principle in my work.''
'' That is nice. I will wait for your work.''
'' Me too.''
'' Your mind is more open then mine and I love it.''
'' oh!
''What happend?''
''Thats a big compliment.''
'' But it is true.''
'' Hmmmmm, thanks.''
''Most well-come! I always try to find out solution with one mind, while you have tendency to engage many minds with the same problem, it is great. I would love to follow this method in my next works, if you do not mind.
''Oh..... You're reading my work even before it has been produced......I'd written a poem once where I portrayed that poem as my baby. ''
'' I love to read creators than their works.''
'' Really!! So I portrayed this poem as my baby and explained how the birth happened
and how I christened it....Mmmm thats it.''
'' That is great.''
''It might have been easier for me because I'm a woman but still would you use this idea for your story today? In my poem I described the whole process or rather the whole duration of conception, the feeling inside, the nurturing inside feeling, the life inside then an uneasiness to bring it out and finally giving birth to 'it''
'' Wow!!''
'' Only my last line said "....and I christened you "Poetry"! So no-one could tell throughout. ''
'' Super! Excellent !! Brilliant!!!
'' Stop, stop...I am lending you this idea....''
'' But I cannot do justice with it, I am incapable to do it.''
'' Forget it...... you HAVE to! You can't abandon a friend's gift!''
'' Ok.''
''How can I abandon my nice friend's gift? But again I am telling I am incapable to do justice with it.''
''Hmmm.Will you try?
'' Sure!! But it is beyond my imagination as I am man. And naturally I can never get that feeling in spite of my whole might ''
''I can understand but take a parallel concept, maybe you could witness it in an acquaintance who's a woman and write about the glow, the pain, the hope, the care.....
'' It is very challenging.''
'' Well, well.....so much hint...its your turn now..... Your putty it is..... Shape it as you would a lovely sculpture!
'' And above all, if I write it, no one would not believe in me
'' Why?''
''They will discuss it on the very scientific basis
and I will be crushed
'' He, he ...I am sure you can do it. Take this chat as part of the story.''
'' Construction is not a problem, problem is the feeling, the theme. All the methods of writing are easy. It needs practice only, but main thing is content.''
'' Hmmmmm.''
''You are right.''
'' And in my wild imagination I cannot get that feeling and here I will do injustice with it, so I do not want to write only for write shake.''
'' I can understand. I'll send you the poem anyways.....''
'' I would love to read the poem.''
''I undersatand, sure.''
'' Can you push a man's mind into a woman body?''
'' Yes I can try. You want me to compose something for you here......?
'' You can do one thing...but it is just an experiment.''
'' Tell me about it....''
'' Let me have your all feeling in my heart and my mind but it may be dangerous for me. Oh no !!! Experiments are always risky.
Let me read your poetry first
'' I'll send you the poem soon.''
''Ok.''
'' It is still in my copy. When I wrote it, there was no internet. I was in my ninth standard
'' Oh!! One more complexion.''
'' ???''
'' It is too difficult to me to imagine myself as a ninth standard girl. You know what you are telling me to do? You are telling me imagine about a creation that is related with a womans' mind, heart and process.''
'' Hmmmmm.''
'' ...and she is not a woman.''
''Isn't it a very everyday phenomenon.''
''.... but a girl.''
''Yes I was a young girl of 13-14 at that time.''
'' Yes!!! How can I catch the fundamental elements of that poetry? That poetry is working on multiple levels.''
'' Meaning what? Name 3 levels for instance.''
'' It is related with creation, and the process of creation
'' yeah.''
'' and with a feeling.''
'' Actually I think you're looking at it with a limited point of view or perspective so to speak.''
'' Ok. Break my chain, chain of my mind. ''
''It is not the process of creation.....You have to assume that the process of creation was automatic, natural, and is complete! now.....
'' Good.''
''It is the newly created thing that is inside you......and you have to bring it out expose it to the world. It is painful both the ways. It is painful if it is inside you and it'll be painful when you'll bring it out... Yes it is. Part one it' ll be painful if it is inside you because you love it too much, too much to hold its individuality and you can't be God to deny a creation its life. You have to give it to 'it'
'' Ok.''
'' And secondly, when you bring it out you see people looking at it with critique, the wind sweeping over it....the rain washing it etc. Every time its face twitches, you feel the pain. But then that is the way life is! So its kinda post the process......
''Yes.''
'' I do feel protective about it so very few know about this one.... I'd read it out to my Dad.... my Mum, a couple of friends.''
''Do you think I can do it?''
''If you'll really think out-of-the-box..... You will surely do it!
'' Ok.''
'' And I will try too to do it. ''
'' You are talking of only side.''
'' By any chance have you read anything by Nicholai Gogol?
'' A lot of thing about him. The writer of dead soul. Leave him. You are talking about its creative prospects only. ''
'' Ok.''
'' ...and I am thinking about its mythological aspects..''
'' Interesting.....''
'' like Eve''
'' On what lines are you thinking?''
'' Adam and Eve.''
''Yup Yup!! How is that connected here?
''Story is related with old testament, the creation of man and woman.''
'' Wow!!! What an aspect to it. I'll write another one.''
'' And the curse that woman got from the God to bear the pain of child.''
'' Hmmmmmm.''
'' Eve was cursed by the God.''
'' The forbidden fruit and the serpent's persuasion to which she yielded
'' You got it. Two parallel strong themes will lead your poetry to greatness. Do not you think so? The pain of creation and the pain of birth related with a woman due to God's dislikes and in that way you need here a solution.''
'' I think yes...''
''I'll try that one out, maybe not, I may not be able to give a solution but just present the way I look at the whole scenario.''
'' Or you can use your won methods to provoke your readers''
'' In my own words. hmmmmm!! I may....... if I fail to do so, I may fail to be an effective writer but I won't fail myself.....
'' I think at least God's words can be challenged here regarding woman.''
'' YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT! You'll have to excuse me I gotta go for a class
I'm preparing for some PhD...''
''Ok, take care!!''
When Priyanka turned away, Rahul looked at the pages of Oedipus the king by Sophocles and started constructing his next scene about Freud who had done a blunder mistake using the word Oedipus complex in his milestone theory. But deep in his mind Priyanka's words about the pain of creation were moving and he was waiting for her poetry that had been written by her in her teen age.
The end.
By alok nandan
For last eight hours, Rahul was trying his best to finish the last scene of his new script, '' the Outstanding creator'' He was dealing the theme of Oedipus Complex of Sigmund Freud. He was thinking constantly of the words of Freud, "I found in myself a constant love for my mother, and jealousy of my father. I now consider this to be a universal event in childhood," Rahul was not agree with the interpretation of Greek tragedy Oedipus Rex by Freud. To him it was the story of misfortune of Oedipus Res, who never saw her mother before killing his father, rather than the sexual attraction of a growing child to his mother. Freud had picked up a good mythological story for a bad reason. And Rahul was trying hard to prove it. He was surprised to see that a whole generation of psychoanalysis was running to a wrong direction after the miscalculated work of Freud.
Now he was completely tired, he turned to his mail and saw in his chat box the red light with Priyanka's name. For last some days he had been exchanging words with her. He felt strong desire to approach her and opened the chat box.
His fingers run fast on the keyboard , ''Hello!!! Are you busy??''
Priyanka answered quickly, ''Hi, no, not very busy right now. How are you?
Having got her response, he felt easy and with it chat started.
Rahu : fine
Priyanka: good
Rhaul, "I have just finished some work, and want some fresh words"
Priyanka, "Ok, on your blog?''
Rahul : " No. "
Priyanka: can I help?
Rahul : tell me some good story, anything you think good.
Priyanka : What kind? sci-fi extreme..... or emotional drama extreme?
Rahul : Your wish. Have you read Freud?
Priyanka : I have
'' What do you think of him?''
'' mmmmm. From what I've managed to read.........I think he was crazy!
'' How how?''
''Ultra-intelligent phenomenal''
'' And his work?''
''Ditto''
'' Hummm, Have you read GB Shaw?
'' Unfortunately not. My Dad used to quote him now and then
'' Like?? Can you remember any quote?''
'' No ''
'' You have to read him.You know before writing you have to read a lot.''
'' I know. But would you rather that its a written rule?''
'' No, not at all. From where you will begin?''
'' Gone With The Wind.''
'' It is a classic, but I have not read it. I want to spend ten years only for reading
I am lacking a lot of things.''
'' Are You advising me not to read it?''
'' No, no, you just read like a hungry lioness whatever you get.
After a time you will feel that you know nothing.''
'' Ok....''
'' And that would be the best mental condition. If you read a lot you will be able to judge your work.''
'' hmmmmmm''
'' Fortunately you have much time.''
'' Actually I may read a hell lot you know.''
'' like??''
'' Because I basically plan to read Business newspapers end-to-end when I begin my time at home.....''
'' Ok.''
'' I do read anything and everything nowadays also but...''
'' Day to day business report?''
'' I'd want to channalise my reading to an extent after I quit from work
maybe that or maybe a varying range of reports, not necessarily correlated
'' That is a great plan.''
'' Thanks ''
'' In field of writing you must be commercial hit
'' How come? I mean why? I mean are you saying that I must strive to be one, or are you predicting that I'll be one.....''
'' Strive to be one.''
'' Ok''
''Whatever you write, it must be published on the large scale, it would be good to cross the nation's barriers. Then you will earn a lot of money with self satisfaction.''
'' Hmmmm''
''What awards should a serious professional strive for?''
'' Capture more and more minds, make your reader addicted.''
''Is that the correct way to go about it?''
'' I think so, influence the minds of the era in which you are living, no matter what has been done or written earlier by great pen workers. But never break the established rules unless or until you are capable to give any alternative.''
'' hmmmmmm... I am the types who would rather leave the reader with a question mark than an answer because I don't feel that my answer is super and also
I am someone who would rather just take the reader through a word-treatment to connect with him and later compel him to think in a direction decided not by me but by himself/herself. ''
'' It is a great way.''
''I hope I'd be able to conform to my general principle in my work.''
'' That is nice. I will wait for your work.''
'' Me too.''
'' Your mind is more open then mine and I love it.''
'' oh!
''What happend?''
''Thats a big compliment.''
'' But it is true.''
'' Hmmmmm, thanks.''
''Most well-come! I always try to find out solution with one mind, while you have tendency to engage many minds with the same problem, it is great. I would love to follow this method in my next works, if you do not mind.
''Oh..... You're reading my work even before it has been produced......I'd written a poem once where I portrayed that poem as my baby. ''
'' I love to read creators than their works.''
'' Really!! So I portrayed this poem as my baby and explained how the birth happened
and how I christened it....Mmmm thats it.''
'' That is great.''
''It might have been easier for me because I'm a woman but still would you use this idea for your story today? In my poem I described the whole process or rather the whole duration of conception, the feeling inside, the nurturing inside feeling, the life inside then an uneasiness to bring it out and finally giving birth to 'it''
'' Wow!!''
'' Only my last line said "....and I christened you "Poetry"! So no-one could tell throughout. ''
'' Super! Excellent !! Brilliant!!!
'' Stop, stop...I am lending you this idea....''
'' But I cannot do justice with it, I am incapable to do it.''
'' Forget it...... you HAVE to! You can't abandon a friend's gift!''
'' Ok.''
''How can I abandon my nice friend's gift? But again I am telling I am incapable to do justice with it.''
''Hmmm.Will you try?
'' Sure!! But it is beyond my imagination as I am man. And naturally I can never get that feeling in spite of my whole might ''
''I can understand but take a parallel concept, maybe you could witness it in an acquaintance who's a woman and write about the glow, the pain, the hope, the care.....
'' It is very challenging.''
'' Well, well.....so much hint...its your turn now..... Your putty it is..... Shape it as you would a lovely sculpture!
'' And above all, if I write it, no one would not believe in me
'' Why?''
''They will discuss it on the very scientific basis
and I will be crushed
'' He, he ...I am sure you can do it. Take this chat as part of the story.''
'' Construction is not a problem, problem is the feeling, the theme. All the methods of writing are easy. It needs practice only, but main thing is content.''
'' Hmmmmm.''
''You are right.''
'' And in my wild imagination I cannot get that feeling and here I will do injustice with it, so I do not want to write only for write shake.''
'' I can understand. I'll send you the poem anyways.....''
'' I would love to read the poem.''
''I undersatand, sure.''
'' Can you push a man's mind into a woman body?''
'' Yes I can try. You want me to compose something for you here......?
'' You can do one thing...but it is just an experiment.''
'' Tell me about it....''
'' Let me have your all feeling in my heart and my mind but it may be dangerous for me. Oh no !!! Experiments are always risky.
Let me read your poetry first
'' I'll send you the poem soon.''
''Ok.''
'' It is still in my copy. When I wrote it, there was no internet. I was in my ninth standard
'' Oh!! One more complexion.''
'' ???''
'' It is too difficult to me to imagine myself as a ninth standard girl. You know what you are telling me to do? You are telling me imagine about a creation that is related with a womans' mind, heart and process.''
'' Hmmmmm.''
'' ...and she is not a woman.''
''Isn't it a very everyday phenomenon.''
''.... but a girl.''
''Yes I was a young girl of 13-14 at that time.''
'' Yes!!! How can I catch the fundamental elements of that poetry? That poetry is working on multiple levels.''
'' Meaning what? Name 3 levels for instance.''
'' It is related with creation, and the process of creation
'' yeah.''
'' and with a feeling.''
'' Actually I think you're looking at it with a limited point of view or perspective so to speak.''
'' Ok. Break my chain, chain of my mind. ''
''It is not the process of creation.....You have to assume that the process of creation was automatic, natural, and is complete! now.....
'' Good.''
''It is the newly created thing that is inside you......and you have to bring it out expose it to the world. It is painful both the ways. It is painful if it is inside you and it'll be painful when you'll bring it out... Yes it is. Part one it' ll be painful if it is inside you because you love it too much, too much to hold its individuality and you can't be God to deny a creation its life. You have to give it to 'it'
'' Ok.''
'' And secondly, when you bring it out you see people looking at it with critique, the wind sweeping over it....the rain washing it etc. Every time its face twitches, you feel the pain. But then that is the way life is! So its kinda post the process......
''Yes.''
'' I do feel protective about it so very few know about this one.... I'd read it out to my Dad.... my Mum, a couple of friends.''
''Do you think I can do it?''
''If you'll really think out-of-the-box..... You will surely do it!
'' Ok.''
'' And I will try too to do it. ''
'' You are talking of only side.''
'' By any chance have you read anything by Nicholai Gogol?
'' A lot of thing about him. The writer of dead soul. Leave him. You are talking about its creative prospects only. ''
'' Ok.''
'' ...and I am thinking about its mythological aspects..''
'' Interesting.....''
'' like Eve''
'' On what lines are you thinking?''
'' Adam and Eve.''
''Yup Yup!! How is that connected here?
''Story is related with old testament, the creation of man and woman.''
'' Wow!!! What an aspect to it. I'll write another one.''
'' And the curse that woman got from the God to bear the pain of child.''
'' Hmmmmmm.''
'' Eve was cursed by the God.''
'' The forbidden fruit and the serpent's persuasion to which she yielded
'' You got it. Two parallel strong themes will lead your poetry to greatness. Do not you think so? The pain of creation and the pain of birth related with a woman due to God's dislikes and in that way you need here a solution.''
'' I think yes...''
''I'll try that one out, maybe not, I may not be able to give a solution but just present the way I look at the whole scenario.''
'' Or you can use your won methods to provoke your readers''
'' In my own words. hmmmmm!! I may....... if I fail to do so, I may fail to be an effective writer but I won't fail myself.....
'' I think at least God's words can be challenged here regarding woman.''
'' YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT! You'll have to excuse me I gotta go for a class
I'm preparing for some PhD...''
''Ok, take care!!''
When Priyanka turned away, Rahul looked at the pages of Oedipus the king by Sophocles and started constructing his next scene about Freud who had done a blunder mistake using the word Oedipus complex in his milestone theory. But deep in his mind Priyanka's words about the pain of creation were moving and he was waiting for her poetry that had been written by her in her teen age.
The end.
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